Kites

Rating**

Back in the 80s,’Kites’ would have come with a tagline : a violent love story. In those days,giving a Hindi film an English language title without an explanatory subhead was a risky thing to do.

In 2010,’Kites’ comes by itself,trying to coast on a polyglot mix : a tawny-chested Bollywood superstar,a bronzed-skinned Mexican beauty,and a few other people of indeterminate origin. But despite its global trappings,the beautifully shot ‘Kites’ is basically really old wine in a sort-of new bottle,in a script which doesn’t quite know whether it wants to be an old-fashioned ‘prem kahani’,or a new style romance,and ends up being neither.

J ( Roshan ) a likely lad based in Las Vegas. We never know how he comes to be there. Accompanied by a friend,he mooches along ,smiling only when he comes into contact with the needy ladies he marries and divorces at top speed. It is strictly business : they do it because of that old thing—a green card,and he does it because of an older thing—money.

Everything changes when he meets the fantastically wealthy Gina ( Ranaut),whose ride is a four-door ( or is it six?) limo,and whose dad ( Bedi) owns the biggest casino in Vegas,and it appears as if his scrounging days are over.

And then,just as the madly-in-love Gina ( she shows her hand by turning up in J’s untidy bachelor’s pad and starting to arrange things) and the gathering-honey-while-he-may J start looking like a couple,along comes the stunning Linda ( Mori).

She happens to be Gina’s brother’s ( Brown) fiancée,but she also,hold your breath,has a past intimate connection with J.

Much gazing into each other’s eyes ensues,and the two realise they are made for each other : we could have told them that the moment Linda hoves,or rather,swims into J’s view,in the itsiest bitiest bikini. If J wasn’t deep in water and presumably needed to have held his breath,he would have dropped his jaw. Then they emerge,dry themselves out,and engage in dull interludes of getting cosy and chatty. The first half consists of precisely this slack build-up to finding true love.

What ensues post interval,equally rambling and incoherent,is predictable at every step,and everything keeps looping back onto itself : I lost count of the numbers of times the wicked brother shows up,gun-toting flunkeys in tow,walking threateningly,in slo mo,towards J. Sometimes Linda is with him,sometimes not. The result is always the same : J gets away,by the skin of the teeth,and we get to see some more skin on Ms Mori.

There’s even a shoot-out-at-OK-Corral type scene in a saloon-like place where Mexican bandits and cops,looking like badly togged out local extras,exchange gunfire : did Basu veer off into making a desi-western? There’s a Hollywood version of ‘Kites’ out in a week’s time,re-jigged by Brett Ratner,the guy who did the kinetic ‘Rush Hour’ movies ( according to rumours,verified by those that have seen,the Hollywood version has a ‘hot’ scene between the two leads,and is a whole half-hour shorter,because they dumped the songs).

This one could have done with similar shortening and sharpening. And with the injection of some freshness. And whatever happened to passion? The thing between the two leads is cosmetic. Barbara Mori is the only new thing about the movie,and has a sparkle when she starts,but weathers too soon. Ranaut has a blink-and-miss role. And despite the money shot belonging to Roshan (rippling-muscled chest to the fore,causing female fans to sigh),he appears halting and rehearsed,even in his dancing,and this from a man who can electrify a floor.

After ‘ Life In A Metro’,you would have thought Basu’s considerable story-telling skills could have only have ratcheted up. But both for him,and for Roshan,who comes out after three years ( ‘Jodhaa Akbar’ was his last) ,’Kites’ is a good-looking disappointment.

shubhra.gupta@expressindia.com