Opinion New role beckons: working mother

The toughest part is,however,the scary thought of leaving the baby with a stranger.

New DelhiDecember 23, 2011 03:14 PM IST First published on: Dec 23, 2011 at 03:14 PM IST

During our last visit to him,my sons paediatrician told me that I should introduce formula milk to my four-month-old now since the baby had to get used to top feed before my maternity leave ended. I bought a tin of the prescribed baby food,feeling somewhat relieved that my little one would have an option now in the absence of his regular feed when his mother would be away.

But the switch wasn’t that easy. I just could not deny my son his right — his mothers milk. The tin remained on the shelf for two weeks and would mock at me,telling me I was no longer indispensable for my son. As if to satisfy my ego,when I finally agreed to give him formula,my son simply rejected the top feed. Having resigned to the fact that time had come for my little one to learn to live without his mother for nine to 10 hours a day,I was worried now and looking for advice on how to make my son like the new taste. The tried-and-tested bowl-and-spoon method failed. I even tried to feed him through a dropper and made additional holes in the teats of feeding bottles for a better flow but remained unsuccessful. As the last resort,I let my maid do the needful,as I had realised my stubborn son would not accept the top feed while lying in his mothers lap. The trick worked. And though I felt bad sending my little one away from his comfort zone,the decision was right because it’s his nanny who will have to eventually feed him when I am away.

With just a week left for my longest leave ever to end,I am trying to condition my son for the situation. Our trip to Kerala helped to a great extent on this front as he spent most of the time with his grandparents. His sleep pattern is already better now. He goes off to sleep after a good feed (formula) around 10.30 pm and gets up around 5 am once,only to go back to sleep after a nappy change and another feed. In Kerala,he would even sleep with his grandparents who would bring him to me at 5 am every morning.

Back home,he is continuing with the routine. With my parents reaching soon,and my husband taking up a day job,I am confident the little one will have people around to entertain him once his mother goes to work. They say a baby changes the life of parents. The biggest change that my son brings is the professional separation of his parents who had been colleagues for 12 long years. With his father now working on day shift and mother doing nights,he has ensured one of the parents will be with him almost all the time,barring a couple of overlapping hours in the evening,which he usually spends sleeping. And I am sure something can be worked out when my husband or I have to go out of town as part of professional or other obligations.

When I was expecting,I thought pregnancy was tough,but realised soon that childbirth was tougher. The toughest part was,however,the scary thought of leaving the baby with a stranger. I am sure all working mothers go through the same feeling when their maternity leave ends. The constant questions like when are you getting back to work and isn’t it too early bother you no end. And it’s worse if you love your work. I do,and looking forward to joining back work amid questions like these makes you guilty. Am I going to be a bad mother? I ask myself often.

It’s not that taking a bigger break never crossed my mind. But then,yes,the thought only crossed my ‘mind’,not heart. Sitting at home,jobless,will I be the same doting mother? Will I be able to love my child the same way I did before,knowing I sacrificed my financial independence,which I loved,boasted of and took pride in,because of him?

Many women I know who had given up their professional life after motherhood regret their decision now. Children grow up so fast,and then start living their own life. And you,having left your career midway,remain stuck there, one of them told me. Another at-home mother told me her eight-month-old child seems to have got bored of me as he looks happier with people visiting him once in a while.

I think those who want to get back to work after the end of maternity leave should first of all not let any guilt come into the picture. Studies show working women are happier mothers because they have their own identity. While it is debatable who is a happier child,the one living with her mother or the one brought up by the babysitter,there is no doubt only a happy mother can ensure a happy child.

Since my shift starts only at 5 pm,I will have the entire day with my son,and I plan to spend each minute judiciously,feeding him,soothing him,bathing him and playing with him. With all arrangements in place,I am all set to start yet another new life — of a multitasking working mother — and hope to grow as a successful human being,both professionally and personally.

Watch out for this space as I explore the new world. I hope to come out with some gems to be shared with my fellow travellers on the journey of motherhood.

# maternity leave