Opinion We strongly condom

BJP MLA Gyandev Ahuja.

As Arun Jaitley faces the budget, his ordeal by numbers, a BJP MLA from Rajasthan is taking the heat off him by plotting other numerical trends — the usage graphs of used condoms and discarded bottles and butts at Jawaharlal Nehru University. According to Gyandev Ahuja’s field research on the sprawling campus, 3,000 condoms and 2,000 booze bottles are discovered every day. He also offers statistical data on bits of bone and wrappers of crisps, which materially offend the prime minister’s dream of Swachh Bharat. But then, the 3,000 used condoms personally sniffed out by Ahuja celebrate the government’s family planning programme.

However, it’s a truth universally acknowledged that condoms can be imponderable. When they leak, they may cause lawsuits, as Julian Assange knows. Unreliable condoms also contribute to the burgeoning population of anti-nationals. This misbegotten lot invents perverted uses for condoms, such as inflating them and running them up flagpoles. This is not merely a theoretical possibility. It has been empirically experienced at various institutions of note around the world. Drug traffickers have found an especially perverse use for condoms, packing them with dope and getting “mules” or carriers to swallow them and board international flights. Let us not enquire how their contents are recovered upon landing.Ahuja has not attempted to causally link the condoms and cigarette butts which he has discovered at JNU with drugs. This is strangely remiss, since the relation is well known to Interpol, Ajit Doval and others. Perhaps the satvik lifestyle is sapping his animal spirits? His party must encourage him to proceed with redoubled energy and expand the domain of his valuable research beyond JNU to other dens of academic debauchery, such as the Sorbonne, which has teemed with anti-nationals since 1968. True, France is another nation, but that’s a mere technicality.

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Ahuja has not attempted to causally link the condoms and cigarette butts which he has discovered at JNU with drugs. This is strangely remiss, since the relation is well known to Interpol, Ajit Doval and others. Perhaps the satvik lifestyle is sapping his animal spirits? His party must encourage him to proceed with redoubled energy and expand the domain of his valuable research beyond JNU to other dens of academic debauchery, such as the Sorbonne, which has teemed with anti-nationals since 1968. True, France is another nation, but that’s a mere technicality.