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This is an archive article published on December 23, 2010
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Opinion TV’s infinite regress

How our celebrities manage to be seen in several places at the same time.

December 23, 2010 03:21 AM IST First published on: Dec 23, 2010 at 03:21 AM IST

We’ve heard of rotten tomatoes or raw eggs,even shoes being thrown at people,but onions? As their price rose alarmingly,TV news channels on Tuesday saw BJP politicians hurl them at a government already in tears (or is it tatters?) over the 2G scam. At this rate,the PM may be offering to appear before the PAC for the humble bulb.

While the Congress plenary session dominated TV news over the weekend,other than Digvijaya Singh’s Nazi speech,sorry nasty speech,no one managed to stir the blood with fine oratory. A row of elderly people sitting cross-legged on the dais,looking idly around them,waiting for the speeches is not absorbing TV,either. All it did was to allow news channels time to discuss the 2G scam (again) or utter statements such as,“you can see the PM preparing to address the session” (Times Now),when all we could see was Rahul Gandhi seated behind Sonia Gandhi,eclipsed by her security personnel. Or,“This meeting is very crucial with all the party leadership there”,(News X). DD News avoided such verbal pitfalls by doing a WikiLeaks: it offered a live telecast of the proceedings without comment.

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The PM’s offer to appear before the PAC should have been the highlight,but even this was immediately countered by the BJP. Like a magician,Arun Jaitley made simultaneous appearances on different news channels rubbishing Dr Manmohan’s Singh’s offer.

The real “magician”,as Times Now called him,was the “God” of all he surveys on the cricket field,Sachin Tendulkar. After he had scored half a century of Test centuries,the eulogies began. Hyperbole was in abundance: “(he is) the greatest of them all”,“If cricket is a religion,Sachin is God…” “he is a legend”,“he’s Mount Everest”… Finally,a breathless Srikkanth uttered the word that summed it up: “Sach-in,Sach-in” (Headlines Today).

After the flood of praise,the inevitable debate: who is the greatest of them all? The big Don or the small Don — poor Bradman never imagined his name would mean something quite different to Indians. Ramachandra Guha,Harsha Bhogle,and Sanjay Manjrekar seemed to favour Sir Don; Boria Majumdar was inclined towards Tendulkar. Here’s what’s so funny: the “experts” prefaced their remarks by saying you cannot compare the two and then they went right ahead and compared them! Frankly,why not let us enjoy Tendulkar at 50?

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If we must compare cricket,look at the coverage of the Ashes (Star Cricket) and India versus South Africa (Ten Sports). The former is far,far superior. From the opening sequence of rapid-fire shots,flashbacks,the crowds outside the stadium,Ponting biting his nails,to the panoramic view of the pitch and the instant replays…blue skies,green grass and the men in white at each others’ throats. Magical. Hope the producers of the forthcoming World Cup are taking notes.

Speaking of magic,politicians are not the only ones who appear on several channels at the same time. On Sunday the Indian Telly Awards (Colors) and the Rishtey Awards (Zee) were both rewarding TV performers and the same comedian,whose name was elusive,played the goofball on both simultaneously. Sure,the shows were recorded but uncanny timing,nevertheless.

Have you noticed that on the dance contest,Jhalak Dikhla Jaa (Sony),a great many ladies are up in the air and several men have mistaken shooting for dancing? Be it salsa or cha-cha-cha,the women are weight-lifted by their partners and suspended briefly before they come tumbling down to earth by which time some men are shooting from the hip — CID’s Daya,Indian Idol’s Meiyang Chang and boxer Akhil Kumar who held the woman lateral and used her like a machine gun. Decidedly,odd. Otherwise,the show is great fun.

Koffee with Karan (Star World) saw actors Priyanka Chopra and Shahid Kapoor behave in a manner that convinced host Karan Johar they were a couple. You cannot “deny a relationship after this!” he chortled. This is the gossip girls’ fave show,so Priyanka did not deny it.

shailaja.bajpai@expressindia.com

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