Opinion The new years shows same as the old
How it might be worthwhile to make over last years successes
Year 2012. Television channels and TV producers are frantically searching through last years eye-catching events to secure eyeballs for another year. Which leftovers of 2011 could be rehashed for this years main course? Heres a peek into some of the ideas theyve come up with thus far.
Psst: Everything that follows is strictly in jest and should be taken with utmost seriousness.
Silent Witness: Well,2011 was put on a fast track by Anna Hazare,accompanied by much sound and fury. Its time for something a little more subdued. A maun vrat,perhaps. By none other than the prime minister,who seldom speaks,anyway. Remember Hazare also observed a maun vrat last November. The PM will use the occasion to silence his critics and highlight his remarkable ability to remain silent while those around him cry themselves hoarse. The maun vrat will have the advantage of muting TV news,too: how long can you discuss silence? Imagine: an entire nation going on silent protests whenever they are agitated?
Aapki Lokpal: A successor to the popular Aap Ki Kachehri where Kiran Bedi first developed a taste for playing judge and jury on national television. Now,she makes way for Hazare who needs a new role in 2012 since fasting is injurious to his health. What better than a TV reality show that creates a Lokpal based on the Jan Lokpal bill with Hazare as the chairman-ombudsman? Then we would see what a beautiful piece of legislation it is and the political parties would be forced to pass it in
Parliament.
Kaun Bana Hai Crorepati: The format is still being worked out,but it stars L.K. Advani and Baba Ramdev trying to discover who has stashed away the most black money where. An alternative is Kaun Banega Pradhan Mantri: Amitabh Bachchan reprises his role as the host and quizzes our leading politicians from various parties. If no one is able to answer all the questions,the Rs 5-crore winner Sushil Kumar gets to be PM.
Rally around: This would be a hybrid Amazing Race. It would follow Rahul Gandhi,Advani,Akhilesh Yadav and all other yatris on their road travels particularly through the states going to the polls in the next two months. The winner will be the one who wins the polls and rides the most unusual vehicle. Hosted by Top Gears Jeremy Clarkson,with the Politically Incorrect Mani Shankar Aiyar and Swapan Dasgupta as judges. Vroom!
Indian Idle: All those who had nothing better to do with themselves than picnic at Anna ki Rasoi during August 2011 can participate in this new version of the popular talent contest. All they have to do is to go to a fast at Jantar Mantar or Ramlila Grounds in Delhi,and eat as much as they can while waving the Indian flag. Hosts? Kiran Bedi and Arvind Kejriwal. The winner of Masterchef India 2011,Shipra Khanna,to judge.
Hard Talk India: Since we have a desi version of everything,BBC World plans to launch Indias new talk show to rival Seedhi Baat and Devils Advocate. Daily half-an-hour episodes will feature Congressman Digvijaya Singh as host. Instead of giving sound bytes every single day,hell now chew on his guests.
CID se CBI: The longest-running crime show is set for an extreme makeover: from the Criminal Investigation Department,Mumbai,ACP Pradyuman and his loyal band of brothers and sisters have been promoted and shifted to Central Bureau of Investigation,Delhi. Their first case? The 2G scam. Theyll place all the accused on a table and with their special X-ray machine,divine the truth.
Parivar: Following the success of The Dirty Picture and several TV serials,Ekta Kapoor is returning to her roots. Yes,she is planning a blockbuster family saga,never seen before on television. Featuring all the branches of the Sangh parivar,including the BJP,it charts the ups and downs of their turbulent relationship.
TV channels are toying with a few other unusual variations: Simi Garewal and Kiki host Indias Most Desirable News Anchors,The Khan Clan replaces The Khan Sisters and features Bollywood superstars with that surname while Bigg Boss will be hosted by Rakhi Sawant and Karan Johar. Why? Because theyre the most unusual pairing since Salman and Sanjay.
shailaja.bajpai@expressindia.com
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