Opinion Sleeping Beauty from Hell
The saga of Lenins remains is a uniquely Russian story
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Since the Soviet Union folded in 1991,Russia has been tippy-toeing around the dead mouse on the national living room floor,namely Lenins embalmed corpse. Some weeks ago,Vladimir Medinsky,Russias minister of culture,said in a radio interview that he thought it was time Lenin was put to use pushing up the daisies. Not his exact words,but you get the drift. These periodic suggestions send Russias Communists into a spluttering rage. Yes,Russia still has a Communist Party; some myths really do die hard. According to an April opinion poll cited by the British newspaper The Guardian,over half of Russians now favour burying the god that failed. Medinsky pledged to make it an occasion to remember and to observe all the obsequies.
If nothing else,the prospect of a state funeral poses questions of protocol,like who gets to represent the United States? Answer: this is why we have vice presidents! Really,it would be worth it just for the look on Joe Bidens face as the cortege moves past. And what an opportunity for some unscripted Bidenesque remarks.
Ive just read a 1998 book called Lenins Embalmers,by Ilya Zbarsky and Samuel Hutchinson. Its fascinating,in a horrible sort of way. Over the last 88 years,Lenins corpse has had more adventures than many live people. In the words of the Grateful Dead,what a long,strange trip its been. The author,who died in 2007,was the son of Boris Zbarsky,one of Lenins original embalmers. Boris was keeper of the body for nearly 30 years,earning a pretty good living (by Soviet standards) and,better still,immunity from Stalins terror.
Dictator Remains Management was not at the time a huge field; more of a boutique industry. There werent all that many scientists back then who knew how to keep a body fresh and pinkish. Stalin couldnt afford to toss Boris into the Gulag along with tens of millions of other Russians. Boris wasnt arrested and thrown into prison until 1952,one year before Stalin died. He almost made it to the finish line. Many sons follow Dad into the family business,but when Ilya Zbarsky entered the mausoleum in 1934,age 21,it was surely a Guinness World Record moment. By the time he ran afoul of the government hed been in charge of the remains for almost 20 years.
After 1991,Ilya looked up his file in the KGB archives and learned that he and his father had been denounced in 1949 for counterrevolutionary conversations. There in the margin of the report he saw Stalins handwriting: Must not be touched until a substitute is found. Job security in Soviet Russia,circa 1949.
Soviet history is often indistinguishable from Orwells fiction. When Lenin died,Stalin appointed a Committee for the Immortalisation of Lenins Memory. Ill spare you the details,but suffice to say the committee gave the job to Ilyas father and another scientist named Vorobiev. Both recognised that a lot more than their scientific reputations was on the line.
When World War II,Zbarsky & Son were charged with spiriting the body out of Moscow to Siberia,which seems somehow apt,karmawise. There,Lenin had a good war,unlike 25 million other Russians. The saga of Lenins remains is a uniquely Russian story. His caretakers got drunk on the alcohol used in embalming Lenins corpse. There are group photos of them striking jaunty poses,as if theyve gathered for a picnic.
Lenin remains Sleeping Beauty From Hell. Perhaps when his heir,President Vladimir V. Putin,is finished shipping combat helicopters to shore up his friend Bashar al-Assad of Syria he will have time to consider his minister of
cultures modest proposal.
Christopher Buckley is the author of They Eat Puppies,Dont They?
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