Opinion Hé Bug-One!

That is when the trouble really started,with a fierce competition among the bacteria to show off who was resistant to more antibiotics and among the viruses to claim the honour of causing greater pandemic panic. This was temporarily stalled when MRSA scared the world so much that all other microbes grudgingly gave him respect and elected as their leader. HIV threatened to take over at one time but new drugs managed to hold it down. Those terrible twins,MDR-TB and XDR-TB,were causing trouble but did not yet acquire the “dread factor” needed for leadership. Recently,serious challenges were thrown up by SARS,H5N1 and H1N1 viruses. While the first two did not show staying power despite initial bravado,H1N1 went around the world without much danger,causing more noise than damage.

However,the latest threat was very serious. Reports were coming in of NDM-1,which was resistant to the most powerful antibiotics. Humans had started calling it the “Super Bug”. Trickily,it was not one bug. It was a trait that could be passed on to different species of bacteria,as though the devil incarnate could simultaneously assume many forms. Rumours were rife that many bacteria were ready to join him to mount a leadership challenge to MRSA.

Pensive as he was,MRSA knew he had to speak to this restless gathering to ward off the new claimant to leadership. “I have called this meeting,” he said in his deep baritone,“to warn you of a saboteur called NDM-1 who is trying to enter many of you and convert you into different beings. Stay away from that seducer”.

“But I understand he confers supernatural powers of antibiotic resistance on any sbacteria he embraces,” Klebsiella pneumoniae spoke up in her dainty voice. “That will make us all invincible. I would like that protection”.

“I see you are already taken,”growled MRSA,“where on earth are you getting this propaganda from?” “I do access the Internet on microbe-soft enabled PCs and tablets whenever I visit a young human,” responded Klebsiella. “Tablet?” roared MRSA in apoplectic rage,“don’t you know words like tablet,capsule and injections are taboo in the Bugsworld?”.

“I understand this Casanova comes from the city of New Delhi,” interceded Escherichia Coli,who gets her gossip from tabloids. “Not clear at all,” replied Klebsiella,“a journal called Lancet has reported that NDM-1 originated in Delhi and then moved around the world but in reality it could have gone from another country to India,where it was first detected.”

“Like Charles Sobhraj who came from elsewhere to use his charms on foreigners visiting India?” asked Escherichia. Just then,a huge commotion broke out as NDM-1 entered with Band Baaja Baarat,Delhi-style. The handsome stranger took Klebsiella with one arm and Escherichia with the other and defiantly faced up to MRSA. “Time for you to step down and let me take over as leader,” he said with the mix of confidence,arrogance and impatience that characterises young politicians seeking high office.

“What gives you that sense of entitlement?” thundered MRSA. “Just because the newspapers and TV channels say so,do you really become the Super Bug? Remember,I too was the cause of fear and frenzy in the media not a long while ago and I still strike terror in doctors.”

“You may retain your bite,MRSA,but I have gifts which can make other bacteria powerful and protected as never before. When my genius mingles with their genes,they too become Super Bugs. I am now found in air,water and sewage. If being omniscient and omnipotent are the signs of divinity,then I am the One!” On hearing NDM-1,the assembled microbes bowed reverentially and beseeched him,“O Bug-One! Bestow on us your boons!”

MRSA knew that he was beaten. He made way for the new leader. After assuming the position of the Supremo,NDM-1 made his first proclamation. “I have taken note of the protests from New Delhi about my name. I belong to nobody and I belong to everybody. Wherever I appear,I will take that name.” Klebsiella clung to her hero and crooned,“As my gallant knight,I dub thee Sir Lancet-a-lot,since that is where you appear most.” Cogito Incognito.

The writer is president,Public Health Foundation of India,Delhi