Zen 038; the Autorick Art

Autorickshaws should actually be viewed as an essential piece of urban training equipment thoughtfully provided by the powers-that-be to keep its citizens fighting fit.

Autorickshaws should actually be viewed as an essential piece of urban training equipment thoughtfully provided by the powers-that-be to keep its citizens fighting fit. Sounds far-fetched? Consider my theory: autorickshaw drivers are essentially there to fire us with just anger the first thing in the morning.

Once the absolute necessity of taking an auto is established, all that remains is to fight the good fight. To start with, it8217;s important to make the right first impression. Put your chin out, twist your mouth into a sort of cunning half-grimace and, if possible, don a pair of sleek goggles to achieve that incomparable look of cool hauteur. Thus armed, step out to hire an autorickshaw.

My own technique is as follows. I frantically hail an auto. The moment the driver comes by, I pretend that it is he who stopped me, rather than the other way round. This is a critical moment: I state my destination in a bored, expressionless voice. From this point on the conversation can move in several directions. The driver may refuse to go and cheeky ones may even suggest an alternative destination. It is best to respond by inquiring, with utmost politeness, exactly which of the two is the customer and therefore qualified to choose a destination.

If the autowallah agrees to go, he will quote a price. Usually exorbitant. Pause thoughtfully to convey that you are wise to all the rates. If the price is reasonable, step in, although with a show of hesitation. If it is unreasonable, lift an eyebrow; smile pityingly and request him to move on. Do not argue: nothing intrigues an autodriver as much as a complete lack of voiced dissent. The majority of them will start negotiating immediately. Drive a hard but fair bargain. A fool and his money are soon parted, and autodrivers are great at sniffing out fools.

However, attack may not always be the best form of defence. Occasionally, it is very enjoyable to flag down an auto, immediately agree to the driver8217;s stated price, and get in enthusiastically. Watch the look of deep regret on his face as he rues the fact that he didn8217;t charge a little more. This is victory too. Get off with the same benign expression, pay up casually, and throw in a good punch line. A standard Delhi-ism does very well: ye le, aish kar Here, enjoy!.