Youth Fare

Divorce and separation figures are reaching staggering heights, be it in the metros or mini-metros, such as Chandigarh. What is the cause...

Divorce and separation figures are reaching staggering heights, be it in the metros or mini-metros, such as Chandigarh. What is the cause? Many claim the Western culture has eroded the very foundation of our values and culture.

Another cause of the breakdown is the metamorphosis that marriages have experienced. Roles of both partners have been reversed to some extent, or at the very least, both partners are now expected to do their bit in household chores. Add to that the pressures of career and economic constraints for both women and men. Consequently, living-happily-ever-after is turning out to be a balancing act. A majority of Indian marriages are still arranged.

Very little time is given for the two to get to know and understand each other. During courtship the couple is usually on their best behaviour anyway. Even if the match is accepted, the families expect them to tie the knot as soon as possible, regardless of whether they are ready or not.

So, does it not make sense, in view of the changing scenario of today, to allow the couples to have the freedom of choice and sufficient space to make that choice? Marriage after all is a lifetime investment. Is it not better to allow the man and the woman to understand each other prior to signing that wedding certificate? That is where the concept of live-in relationships comes in. But why not look at the advantages of this form of relationship?

The man and woman share a home and a life just like a married couple, except for that one legal piece of paper, which gives their relationship validation8217; by the courts and society. Critics would claim that a marriage provides a sense of security. But merely a piece of paper is not enough, nor is it a guarantee, for a relationship to last.

A relationship should be based on mutual trust, security and love, without the necessity of a validation8217; by courts. Actually, those couples who choose live-in relationships rather than marriage, show more dedication, faith and determination to make their relationship last, against all odds.

The fact that live-in relationships allow the couples the freedom to understand each other, realise each other8217;s needs, wants and feelings, and examine their compatibility as a couple are definitely major plus points. Moreover in a marriage, a sort of complacency creeps in and everything becomes routine-like and almost binding.

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A live-in relationship, on the other hand, allows the couple to explore. However, perhaps because the live-in relationships are not conventional and involve different expectations, both partners do their share of household work and are more sensitised to each other8217;s needs. All these can be valuable lessons in compatibility.

The only damaging effect of living in for the couple is the effect on children. If a couple decides to have children without marriage, the child is considered illegitimate, with hardly any legal rights, such as inheritance. Unfortunately, this arises from the limited perceptions and demarcations of the society and legislation, but not from any fault of the parents or the child.

None of this is to say that the institution of marriage is extinct, but neither should the concept of live-in relationships be dismissed entirely, especially as an option prior to marriage.

The writer is a PR consultant and writes on socio-economic issues.