Twists and turns

He was the epitome of physical fitness: tall, lean and ramrod straight. He carried himself with the dignity of the police officer he had been until his retirement. And he was, quite fittingly, our school8217;s physical trainer and athletics coach.nbsp;Mr Tomlinson or Tommy as we cheekily nicknamed him enjoyed his PT classes as much as we disliked them. In fact, we cynically branded them 8220;Physical Torture8221;. Clad in baggy khaki shorts that exposed his spindly legs, this 65-year-old would actively demonstrate physical exercises with the ease of the professional gymnast. It was we that found these exercises a problem. Arms flailing and torsos bending forward, backwards and sideways in unison, we stoically sweated it out. A common quip then was that we didn8217;t need a bath after a PT session, for we were literally bathed in perspiration. 8220;C8217;mon, swing those arms freely!8221; Mr T would bellow. 8220;They8217;re not going to fall off! Nor will your shorts tear if you throw your legs apart!8221; One day the inevitable happened. As Mr T vigorously demonstrated an exercise we heard the telltale sound of the ripping of fabric: the central seam of his shorts had given way. 8220;Wipe that grin off your faces!8221; he snapped, masking his embarrassment, beating a hasty retreat to the cloakroom.

Mercifully, Mr T8217;s dour British sense of humour often relieved the drudgery of PT classes. Some of his exercises, bordering on contortion, were guaranteed to make even the most well-mannered lad break wind unwittingly. Once when this led to an eruption of giggling, Mr T remarked with an absolutely straight face: 8220;I see we8217;ve a budding trumpeter in our midst!8221; On another occasion, fed up with a consistently unsuccessful high-jumper, Mr T smirked: 8220;You8217;ll probably set a record for the number of times you8217;ve sailed under the crossbar rather than over it!8221; And an aspiring long-distance runner who failed to complete a 1500-metre race was chided good-humouredly: 8220;You won8217;t make it even to a lifeline, let alone the finishing line.8221; Yet, thanks to Mr T8217;s unrelenting perseverance, the school did turn out several champion athletes over the years.