Toy Story

THE other week, my usually shy buddy Neeta asked me if I knew any place in the city where vibrators were sold. 8216;8216;What, don8217;t ...

THE other week, my usually shy buddy Neeta asked me if I knew any place in the city where vibrators were sold. 8216;8216;What, don8217;t you know?8217;8217; I asked, rather smugly, 8216;8216;Just outside VT station.8217;8217; I had got this snippet of information from another pal who had gone vibrator shopping for a German friend holding a workshop in the city.

Once Neeta digested this fact, I was promptly whisked off. In the blink of a train ride we were at a made-in-China stall nestling in the curb ahead of the imposing arches of the Queen8217;s legacy. If only ol8217; Vicky knew.

Placed innocuously among several cheap electrical gadgets, the vibrators pass off as 8216;neck massagers8217;. But their rather crudely-fashioned phallic shapes gave the game away to the keen eye. Our vendor also seemed to know what they really were8212;he could hardly hide a furtive look when we asked to sample the booty, which is sold in black poly-bags.

8216;8216;Madam, this is three-speed massager in two sizes, large and medium, only Rs 350 and 250,8217;8217; he said in practised vendorspeak.

Neeta, a bit of a picky sort, didn8217;t quite like that they were white in colour. 8216;8216;Do you, er, have anything in black or brown?8217;8217; she said.

8216;8216;Madam, how colour matters? It8217;s all the same thing when you put it on,8217;8217; countered the man.

But the eight-inch plastic 8216;massager8217; didn8217;t quite pass the vibration test. Even on the neck, the weak pulsating didn8217;t quite hit the spot, if you get my drift. When Neeta put it down and started to walk off, the vendor quickly yelled, 8216;8216;Madam, I give you packed piece, free battery8212;only Rs 200.8217;8217; But we were already on our way to the next stall.

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There, and at the one after it, it was more of the same, until we hit upon Kareemji8217;s, a hipper stall opposite DN Road8217;s Kitab Mahal. Their massager came packed in a box, which bore the picture of a blonde with parted lips. 8216;8216;It comes with detachable tip cap and you can try three shapes,8217;8217; said Kareem, with a not-so-well-hidden leer. Neeta couldn8217;t help chuckling at the little painted smiley that indicated the gizmo8217;s full-speed mark. But in the end, detachable heads and almost-brown okay, ochre shade aside, this was judged to be 8216;8216;a little too small8217;8217;.

Over a cup of tea at the New Excelsior Cafe in downtown Mumbai, we cribbed how there were no sex shops in the city, and how we were reduced to sifting through seedy pavement stalls. Where was the leather and lace? Where was the kinkiness in this city of so much oestrogen? 8216;8216;Oh well, guess I8217;ll just have to wait till a friend goes to Berlin8230; do you think they8217;ll check up at the airport?8217;8217;