If pros and con are opposites, is Congress the opposite of progress?English has been one of the most widely-used languages in the history of our planet, one in the every seven human beings can speak it. More than half the world can speak English and three quarters of international mail are in English. It also has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as two million words and one of the noblest bodies of literature. None the less, let's face it, English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, neither pine nor apple in pineapple and no ham in hamburger. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candy, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet at all, are meat.We take English for granted, but when we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and that a guinea pig is neither a pig nor from Guinea.And why is it that a writer writes, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham.If the plural for tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural for booth be beeth? One goose, two geese, so one moose, two meese? A scientist is to science so a dentist is to dents?Doesn't it seem crazy, that you can make amends but not just one amend, and that you can comb through the annals of history, but not brush through one annal.If the teacher taught, why isn't it that the preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you also bote your tongue.Sometimes, I wonder whether all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people play at a recital, and recite at a play? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? I mean, we have noses that run and feet that smell. How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposite? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell on one day but not as cold-as heaven on the other?You have to marvel at the singular lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, fill in a form by filling it out and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't really a race at all) when stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind my watch I start it, but when I wind up this article I end it.
