The Bollywood bullet

Major Anil Kapoor and a couple of other para-commandos prepare for action. As cameras roll, our hero makes his move, slips and goes plonk...

Major Anil Kapoor and a couple of other para-commandos prepare for action. As cameras roll, our hero makes his move, slips and goes plonk into the snow. 8220;Cut. Cut. Cut,8221; the director hollers. And then chides the actor, 8220;Anil, control yourself, beta.8221;

Finally, the troops posted at Gulmarg were getting to see some reel action. Boney Kapoor8217;s unit was shooting Pukaar, an Anil Kapoor-Madhuri Dixit starrer, at the tourist resort. Kapoor had told the press that the film had nothing to do with militancy. But to the motley group of army jawans, tourists, reporters and local porters watching the shoot, there did seem to be a militancy angle somewhere.

The para-commandos had their task cut out. They had to look sharp as they surveyed the snow 8220;A bullet can get you anytime, from anywhere,8221; the action director reminded them. Anil Kapoor would pull out a map and take a quick look at it. The commandos would then consult their watches. And charge ahead. Simple. On film, the scene would barelystretch a minute.

But the actors took about an hour to get it right. First, Anil slipped. In another take, the commandos forgot about the watches. One of them was reprimanded for doing a 8220;disco8221; on the snow, 8220;like Shatrughan Sinha.8221; Then Anil had problems grappling with the map and the gun at the same time. His idea of doing away with the gun was rejected, though 8220;No, no, you are on an operation8221;. Instead, the director agreed to trash the map.

The jawans who just might have taken part in similar action in real life were clearly getting bored by the tedious mechanics of film-making. They would have preferred a song-and-dance routine, instead of a fake operation. 8220;Gana-wana hota to achcha hota,8221; one of them lamented. Unfortunately, Madhuri Dixit was nowhere around location that day.

The day before, Farooq Abdullah too had missed Madhuri. She wasn8217;t there when CM saheb skipped the Assembly in Jammu and flew down to watch the unit can its inaugural shot in Srinagar. When reportersreminded him about the motorcycle ride he gave Shabana Azmi many years ago, he said he wouldn8217;t mind giving Madhuri one either. But he was getting old now.

I suspect Farooq couldn8217;t care less if it was Madhuri or Kajol or Karisma or Mahima or Rani 8212; as long as Bollywood came to Kashmir, just like in the good old days of his relative youth. Pukaar is only the second Bollywood film being shot in Kashmir since militancy took hold. Besides bringing in some money, Bollywood shoots make great PR. The cash-strapped state desperately wants the tourists back, and Bollywood helps.

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In fact, the state would go to any lengths to tell tourists that things are getting back to normal. Take the recent disappearance of 10 foreigners, which triggered a scare that they might have been abducted. But the foreigners, who were on a heli-skiing holiday, were stranded for the night on a mountain peak after their government-owned helicopter developed a snag. Naturally, the authorities were thrilled when they weretraced.

But the official press release carried things a bit too far. It gushed about how the visitors 8220;expressed satisfaction with the trip8221;. The episode was 8220;an adventure which heli-skiers are always ready to face8221;. Going by the release, the skiers felt their 8220;stop-over8221; 8212; the politically correct term for getting stranded in the snow with a broken-down helicopter 8212; on the summit was a 8220;unique experience with a content of thrill and adventure which they enjoyed in the beautiful environment of this paradise.8221;

Perhaps there is a lesson in there for the state government. Apart from encouraging film crews, it should make sure that no tourist returns home without a 8220;unique experience8221; in this paradise on earth. After all, it shouldn8217;t be too difficult to ensure that helicopters and buses break down at the right time.