Being Sharif in LondonLast week was a particularly busy one for Mian Nawaz Sharif, prime minister of Pakistan, what with his trans-Atlantic peregrinations and all that. His working lunch in Washington, his handshake with Bill, his shopping halt at New York, his private jet, courtesy Saudi Arabia's Prince Bandar bin Sultan bin Abdulaziz, his brief encounter with Tony, this was the stuff of the headlines all through last week. However, the very brief meeting he had with his country's cricket captain, Wasim Akram, was generally ignored by the media. I believe it went something like this. Nawaz Sharif: So, badmash, you enjoying good time in sadda London? Have you seen Big Ben of late?Wasim Akram: As a matter of fact, Prime Ministerji, we were taken around by the English Cricket Board and shown the sights including the famous tower that you refer to.Sharif: Bewaqoof! I am talking of that aurat, Benazir Bhutto. Have you been seeing her face lately?Akram (hurriedly): Oh no, Miansaheb, how can youeven ask a question like that?Sharif (pleased): Good, avoid that besharm woman. You see my right hand, Wasim yaar? This is being the hand that had handshake with most famous man in the world, Bill bhaijaan. I haven't washed it since Sunday, yaar. You saw on TV, I have ek-on-ek talk with him?Akram: You see this left hand, Miansaheb? I haven't washed it since Queenji held it during a special tea for us cricketers in Buckingham Palace in May.Sharif (very impressed): Arrey, yaar, I didn't get to meet Queenji this time. My begum has been wanting to meet Queenji ever since she read that famous sher about that bili that went to London to visit queen. I promised her that I'd swing it next time. (His brow clouds). That is if I am still around next time. Arrey, yaar, we are getting huge pitayee.Akram (a deep sigh shakes his frame): Miansaheb, please don't blame me for that last test at Lord's - Allah wasn't on our side that day.Sharif: It was not your pitayee I was talking, gadhe, it is my pitayee.Already that ghaddar Syed Salahuddin, who is calling himself chief of United Jehad Coucil, is saying I put knife in country's back by going to Washington with bagging bowl. He says it is being international conspiracy..Akram (nodding sadly): Every time we lose, they say it is a betting conspiracy. It's so unfair, these match-fixing allegations.Sharif (too preoccupied to pay attention to Akram's tribulations): Bill bhaijaan says seize the moment, seize the moment. Taubah! Let him try. Who likes to catching tiger by tail, mai keya?Akram (still self-obsessed): Then they say they will put the Ehtesab Council on our trail. Miansaheb, is this fair treatment after what we scored against New Zealand? Look at our great record as world-class cricketers.Sharif (shaking his head sadly): Such museebat, yaar. Look at my record. When I came to power the national debt stood at Rs 2.15 trillion. In two and a half years, I made it Rs 2.50 trillion. But am I getting any praises for that? People are so ungrateful,badmashess, they don't know what all I'm doing for them.(Akram remains silent, trying to figure this out.)Sharif: My worry now is how to reach home. Should I go via Mecca or take a straight cut.Akram (who has thought long and hard about precisely such logistics): Miansaheb, I also thought of going home via Mecca after that World Cup defeat. But then I came up with a better idea - after all, I have an international reputation for being a master strategist. I stayed back and sent nine of my boys back home to face the hai-hais and rotten eggs.Sharif (frank admiration on his face): Khubsoorat idea, yaar. I will tell that Sartaj Aziz to go first let them throw the rotten eggs and tamatar on him. He is thinking too much about his self. Talking hardly on `Hard Talk' over BCC and getting all the wah-wahs, besharam.Akram: And then, Miansaheb, you could consider wearing this as you step out of the plane. (He pulls out a burqa from his briefcase).Sharif (totally impressed by now): Bright young ladka,bright young ladka. Now I am knowing Pakistan cricket is in safe hands. That idea didn't come into my head only. And for 101 par cent safety, I will get the rest of the Pakistan army that is not involved in the Kargil operations as well as Pakistan's total plice force to guard the Lahore and Islamabad airports as my plane is landing. Top
