Straight face

Being Sharif in LondonLast week was a particularly busy one for Mian Nawaz Sharif, prime minister of Pakistan, what with his trans-Atlant...

Being Sharif in London

Last week was a particularly busy one for Mian Nawaz Sharif, prime minister of Pakistan, what with his trans-Atlantic peregrinations and all that. His working lunch in Washington, his handshake with Bill, his shopping halt at New York, his private jet, courtesy Saudi Arabia8217;s Prince Bandar bin Sultan bin Abdulaziz, his brief encounter with Tony, this was the stuff of the headlines all through last week. However, the very brief meeting he had with his country8217;s cricket captain, Wasim Akram, was generally ignored by the media. I believe it went something like this8230; Nawaz Sharif: So, badmash, you enjoying good time in sadda London? Have you seen Big Ben of late?Wasim Akram: As a matter of fact, Prime Ministerji, we were taken around by the English Cricket Board and shown the sights including the famous tower that you refer to.

Sharif: Bewaqoof! I am talking of that aurat, Benazir Bhutto. Have you been seeing her face lately?

Akram hurriedly: Oh no, Miansaheb, how can youeven ask a question like that?

Sharif pleased: Good, avoid that besharm woman. You see my right hand, Wasim yaar? This is being the hand that had handshake with most famous man in the world, Bill bhaijaan. I haven8217;t washed it since Sunday, yaar. You saw on TV, I have ek-on-ek talk with him?

Akram: You see this left hand, Miansaheb? I haven8217;t washed it since Queenji held it during a special tea for us cricketers in Buckingham Palace in May.

Sharif very impressed: Arrey, yaar, I didn8217;t get to meet Queenji this time. My begum has been wanting to meet Queenji ever since she read that famous sher about that bili that went to London to visit queen. I promised her that I8217;d swing it next time. His brow clouds. That is if I am still around next time. Arrey, yaar, we are getting huge pitayee.

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Akram a deep sigh shakes his frame: Miansaheb, please don8217;t blame me for that last test at Lord8217;s 8212; Allah wasn8217;t on our side that day.

Sharif: It was not your pitayee I was talking, gadhe, it is my pitayee.Already that ghaddar Syed Salahuddin, who is calling himself chief of United Jehad Coucil, is saying I put knife in country8217;s back by going to Washington with bagging bowl. He says it is being international conspiracy8230;.

Akram nodding sadly: Every time we lose, they say it is a betting conspiracy. It8217;s so unfair, these match-fixing allegations.

Sharif too preoccupied to pay attention to Akram8217;s tribulations: Bill bhaijaan says seize the moment, seize the moment. Taubah! Let him try. Who likes to catching tiger by tail, mai keya?

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Akram still self-obsessed: Then they say they will put the Ehtesab Council on our trail. Miansaheb, is this fair treatment after what we scored against New Zealand? Look at our great record as world-class cricketers.

Sharif shaking his head sadly: Such museebat, yaar. Look at my record. When I came to power the national debt stood at Rs 2.15 trillion. In two and a half years, I made it Rs 2.50 trillion. But am I getting any praises for that? People are so ungrateful,badmashess, they don8217;t know what all I8217;m doing for them.

Akram remains silent, trying to figure this out.Sharif: My worry now is how to reach home. Should I go via Mecca or take a straight cut.

Akram who has thought long and hard about precisely such logistics: Miansaheb, I also thought of going home via Mecca after that World Cup defeat. But then I came up with a better idea 8212; after all, I have an international reputation for being a master strategist. I stayed back and sent nine of my boys back home to face the hai-hais and rotten eggs.

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Sharif frank admiration on his face: Khubsoorat idea, yaar. I will tell that Sartaj Aziz to go first let them throw the rotten eggs and tamatar on him. He is thinking too much about his self. Talking hardly on Hard Talk8217; over BCC and getting all the wah-wahs, besharam.

Akram: And then, Miansaheb, you could consider wearing this as you step out of the plane. He pulls out a burqa from his briefcase.

Sharif totally impressed by now: Bright young ladka,bright young ladka. Now I am knowing Pakistan cricket is in safe hands. That idea didn8217;t come into my head only. And for 101 par cent safety, I will get the rest of the Pakistan army that is not involved in the Kargil operations as well as Pakistan8217;s total plice force to guard the Lahore and Islamabad airports as my plane is landing.

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