Seeing is believing

You cannot afford to blink, these days, lest you miss something on television. Blink once and CNN produces its Tapes on Terror from Afghanis...

You cannot afford to blink, these days, lest you miss something on television. Blink once and CNN produces its Tapes on Terror from Afghanistan with a beautiful dog in twitches of rigor mortis from chemical experiments; blink twice and Madhu Sharma is broadcasting to the nation 8212; again; blink thrice and Election Commissioner J.M. Lyngdoh throws everything to the wind and proclaims he is an 8216;8216;atheist8217;8217; who couldn8217;t 8216;8216;care less about religion8217;8217;, who would have liked to 8216;8216;say much more8217;8217; to the administration in Gujarat, who thinks today8217;s officers are 8216;8216;unfeeling, unthinking8217;8217; and much, much more8230; Star News8230; blink a fourth time and a red cherry rises like a ball of fire and falls splat like tomato ketchup on a spectator8217;s forehead, helped along by Geoffrey Boycott8217;s coos of 8216;8216;ooooh8217;8217; and Navjot Singh Sidhu8217;s alliterative originality: 8216;8216;Tendulkar is like a rampaging river8230; that8217;s hoiked high and handsome, bye-bye ball8217;8217;ESPN. No, your eyes and ears need to be shut wide open at all times.

Those who slumbered early Friday night, must have kicked themselves in their sleep for missing the Saurav and Sachin show and the accompanying gamesmanship in the commentary box. It8217;s quite competitive in there. Watch Sidhu shake his head when Gavaskar talks, notice Gavaskar purse his lips in scepticism, see Shastri flick his eyes impatiently and Boycott8217;s nose redden. Listen to the battle of the adjectives:

Shastri: 8216;8216;that8217;s a glorious shot8217;8217;, 8216;8216;it8217;s awesome8217;8217;, raves Sidhu, 8216;8216;A very, very high percentage shot8217;8217;, remarks Bhogle with due consideration, 8216;8216;roobish8217;8217; dismisses Boycott: 8216;8216;it8217;s a good clout8217;8217;. Meanwhile, Anshuman Gaekwad gave this considered opinion on cricketing greatness: 8216;8216;Bradman was alag, Gavaskar was alag, Tendulkar is alag8230; the game today is alag.8217;8217; Aaj Tak. Gotcha. But how different?

With the men providing such entertainment, who has time to join Shobha De8217;s Kittie Party Zee? Eight fabulously dressed women of all shapes, sizes, ages and circumstance back talk, small talk, talk, talk, talk, during, before and after their meetings, with predictable results: kitty, kitty, meow, meow 8212; ouw, that hurt! It8217;s rather like the fish market came to swank Pali Hill.

Peel off the make-up, remove the expensive jewellery and these are women with problems a few more serious than what to wear to the next party. Can the show rise successfully above a rich bitch hunt? Not if it lives upto its name: currently, even the women8217;s tears are diamond drops.

Ever hear of a serial repeating itself as a new one? Kutumb Sony concluded with Pratham and Gauri still within the wedding ring8217;s circle of love. Next, they are blessed with 8216;8216;little, little brown babies8217;8217; as Ingrid Bergman unforgettably remarked in Murder on the Orient Express. And next episode they have regressed, returned to college in an entirely new Kutumb but with their names intact.

Suddenly young again and waiting for the aroma of romance to drift up their nostrils at the college coffee shop. Only prob is he doesn8217;t believe in love; only prob is he falls for her. Only prob is he8217;s rich where she8217;s poor and she8217;s rich where8217;s poor: so he has all the money and she has the brains. Can they make a mismatch of it?

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Young love is in and on the air. Nikki and Adi and Ash are locked in a triangular series called Kyon Hota Hai Pyarr Star Plus. Nikki is the behenji variety. You know this because like Gauri she wears spectacles and salwar kameez. Ash is the post-modern kind, in self-exile from herself, who dresses like she8217;s in London, speaks like she8217;s from New York and lives permanently in Mumbai. Lastly, there is Adi who pumps iron like petrol at a gas station and is mad about Ash but who will presumably turn sweet on the scornful Nikki, who will return his affections. Otherwise what would be the point of these serials?

Going by these serials, you8217;d think young men have only young women on their minds and vice versa. Even Sanjivani Star Plus, a hospital drama, dwells more upon the limpid eyes and wet gloss lips of the young medical interns than on medical matters. Contrast these Indian serials with the likes of Boston Public, set in an American High School and Chicago Hope or ER, set in hospitals. Yes, there8217;s romance, unrequited or thwarted passions in them too but they are peripheral to the main theme.

Indian TV fiction depends too heavily on melodrama or slapstick comedy. A few months ago, Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki Star Plus dealt with the domestic rape of a blind girl. It took over two months8217; episodes, four times a week to resolve the issue as we rode a roller-coster of emotional upheavals. The Practice Star World tackled the rape of a minor girl by a man living in the same apartment building and witnessed by alcoholic woman in two one-hour episodes.

Last comments: the most piquant situation on TV is Star News advertising for its own future news channel on the old one which features NDTV!

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And whosoever writes Sonia Gandhi8217;s speeches might simplify the Hindi because we8217;re not reading but watching her deliver them: her difficulties with the language are all too embarassingly audible. Her Saturday speech shown extensively by Aaj Tak saw her stumble as she sought to wag her finger, tongue, rage and read simultaneously.