Rock ‘n’ roll-back

PMji had barely finished his somersault when he noticed me and came across for the interview. “Namaskar, PMji,” I said, “sorry to drag you away from the yoga.”

Courteous as ever, PMji brushed the apology aside. “No problem, ji. We were just performing a joint cabinet exercise for smoother government functioning.”

This confused me greatly. That was not my idea of a cabinet meeting. PMji must have read my thoughts for he went on, “Let me explain, ji. You may have heard the expression that consistency is the virtue of fools.”

I nodded, still confused. Continued PMji, “Well, my government’s greatest achievement is its great inconsistency. We are ushering in an age of sach, su-raaj, and roll-back raj.”

The coin finally dropped. “Ah yes, PMji,” I said, “that’s why you people were practising your somersaults.”

“It was a trifle difficult at first,” admitted PMji. “People tended to jeer and taunt us.When we rolled back the price of urea last year or agreed to bring Bezbaruah back, we were heckled. But this did not deter us. Today, I can say with pride that we can roll back anything without flinching.”

“Very good, PMji, very good,” I said.

“Look at our recent performances, the telephone tariff, for instance,” continued PMji. “In the old days, Jayalalithaji, poor thing, had to throw a tantrum before we rolled back anything. Today Mamataji just has to curl her lip and we do the necessary somersault smoothly. You see, training and experience always help.”

I said, “But shouldn’t governments be taking considered decisions so that they don’t have to go back on them?”

“Of course we take considered decisions,” cut in PMji, clearly irritated by the question. “We take considered decisions first and then reconsider them later. This is not just considered decision-making, it is reconsidered decision-making of the highest level.”

I nodded weakly. PMjihad a point there. But being a bit mulish by temperament, I persisted, “But won’t people arrive at the conclusion that your government is a procrastinating, vacillating one? Won’t they believe that this is an indecisive government?”

“This is quite ridiculous, ji,” snapped PMji. “The whole country knows that we are absolutely, firmly, resolutely decisive in our indecisiveness. If the people in this country can depend on one thing it is this: my indecision is final.”

His words convinced me absolutely, firmly, resolutely. “So would you say then that this ability to roll back on decisions is your government’s biggest achievement in its one year of existence?” I queried.

“That’s the point, ji. Finally you seem to have got it,” said PMji. “Today, India is truly the Roll-back Republic of the World, thanks to our efforts. I may end this interview with a quotation from one of my own poems: Ankhon me vaibhav ke sapne, pag me toofano ki gati ho, rashtrabhakti ka jwaarna rukta, aaye jis-jis ki himmat ho. I will translate that for you: `with dream of prosperity and marching at a stormy pace, the tide of patriotism will not recede. Let the courageous come forward to join me’. To this I would like to add one last line: `come and join me as we go forward and roll back courageously together’.”

By now I was fully convinced about his argument. A surge of patriotism went through me. “Jai Hind!” I shouted, full-throatedly. “Roll-back Raj ki jai!”

Meanwhile, the cabinet ministers on the lawn had completed 25 roll-back-asanas without demurring under the benign glance of their yoga instructor. It was a rare display of ministerial dexterity. The country, I concluded, was in safe hands.