Quick quiz for Congressmen

The Congress politician has been so much a part of this country's political and social history, that it's almost with a sense of nostalgi...

The Congress politician has been so much a part of this country8217;s political and social history, that it8217;s almost with a sense of nostalgia that we welcome him/her back amidst us. Remember the time when you couldn8217;t throw a stone in this country without hitting one? And remember the time when many among us were overcome by a strong urge to do just that?

It8217;s difficult to define that elusive quality that makes a true Congress politician. Perhaps, it8217;s that irresistible blend of swadeshi khadi and Swiss bank money. That elusive capacity to harness old-fashioned self-interest to the high seriousness of nation-building. That ability to straddle the fence, yet keep an ear to the ground. The gift of being able to uninhibitedly grovel before the party High Command when merely asked to kneel.

And there8217;s nothing that quite captures the unique qualities of this 113-year-old party, than a term like 8220;party High Command8221;. It is a distinct Congressism that has, nevertheless, a nice ring to it. It8217;s not nasty like8220;Fuehrer8221; or 8220;Big Brother8221; are, nor bland like 8220;party leadership8221; seems. It makes a firm statement of absolute power, yet leaves the boundaries fuzzy. The High Command is like a voice over the intercom disembodied, powerful, compelling. One doesn8217;t even know if it is a living, breathing thing.

Therefore, just so that they don8217;t trip up, Congress politicians have learnt to punctuate every observation they make in the public sphere with the words, 8220;and I have my party High Command8217;s permission to say so8221; or 8220;I have to consult the High Command before saying anything more on this8221;. So powerful was the sway of the High Command this time, that after the election verdict emerged the nation was greeted with the amazing sight of the shy, retiring Congress man/ woman. When asked whether he/she would stake his/her claim to power, he/she didn8217;t jump up and down and shout, 8220;Me, me, me8221; and then run to capture the kursi before anyone else did. Instead, they delicately examined their toes and whispered: 8220;Itall up to my party High Command.8221;

So who or what or which is this High Command? The average Congress politician is never quite sure whether it comprises a single individual, or a group of individuals. Whether it is the CPP or the CWC. Whether it is Arjun, Natwar or Manmohan Singh. Or even whether it8217;s just Shrimati Sonia Gandhi inhabiting the higher reaches in solitary splendour.

Therefore, in order to help the confused Congressite decide whether they are doing okay by the party High Command, I had devised a simple, quick quiz some time ago which I have now revised to reflect the latest trends:
1 How many time in the past 24 hours have you reverted back to the party High Command?

a Over 20 times b Five to 20 times? c Less than 5 times? d Not once?

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2 If by some chance you didn8217;t consult the High Command in the past two hour, please list the reasons for not doing so? Those who reported ill are excused. Others are requested to be brief in their responses.

3 Who said the following lines,when and in what context?

8220;The nation is safe only in Congress hands.8221;

8220;The Congress party is safe only in the hands of the Nehru-Gandhis.8221;

8220;Mrs Gandhi is India and India is Mrs Gandhi8221;.
4 What are the following places famous for: Shanti Van? Shakti Sthal? Vir Bhoomi?

5 How any times have you visited these places in the past 12 months?

6 On such occasions approximately how many feet away from Shrimati Sonia Gandhi did you sit? Please use the metric measure only.

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7 How do you rate Shrimati Sonia Gandhi8217;s Hindi diction?

a Excellent? b Good? c Needs improvement? Please answer this question freely and frankly.

8 The wins that the Congress made in these assembly elections were due to8230; a The hard work of party functionaries? b The hard work of party leaders? c The hard work of Shrimati Sonia Gandhi? Please answer this freely and frankly.

9 When you hear the words Mrs Gandhi, whom do you think of first: a Mrs Indira Gandhi? b Mrs Maneka Gandhi? cMrs Sonia Gandhi?

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10 So who or what is the party High Command?: a A committee of party functionaries? b A group of party leaders? c Shrimati Sonia Gandhi?