Planning to be Perfect?

You8217;d think that not much could go wrong if you looked the way Jane Fonda does at 67. But last month, the workout diva and actress reve...

You8217;d think that not much could go wrong if you looked the way Jane Fonda does at 67. But last month, the workout diva and actress revealed she grew up feeling she had to be perfect to be loved. It8217;s a problem that finds an echo in our metros as well. With the media constantly bombarding us with messages of perfection, the need to be just-so is seeping into society8217;s collective unconscious.

To audiences and even the competition, 29-year-old model and actor Malaika Arora Khan seems as perfect as they come. In an industry where a model8217;s average career lifespan is just a few years, she8217;s been at the top for 11. Apart from hectic modelling assignments, her actor husband Arbaaz and son Arhaan are always pencilled into her daily schedule.

Arora8217;s been called a perfectionist by almost everyone who knows her, but she prefers the term stickler. 8216;8216;I do expect too much from myself. I always give everything my 200 per cent8212;whether it8217;s work, my home, friends, marriage or my baby. And no one8217;s holding a gun to my head.8217;8217; Sure things go haywire sometimes, but she doesn8217;t let that get her down. 8216;8216;I just tell myself 8216;you8217;re bloody good girl8217; and keep going.8217;8217;

Ditto with 49-year-old stockbroker Hemen Patel. He sleeps for five hours and works for 16. He walks the six km from his office to home every day and meditates during cab rides. 8216;8216;I plan today exactly what I8217;m going to do tomorrow, I work Sundays and holidays if needed and never tell myself I8217;m tired.8217;8217; He admits his co-workers think he8217;s a crazy guy, but he says he has to be one up on everyone else.

The past five years have seen a rise in the number of people, who either want to be flawless themselves, or thrust that burden on others, says Dr Anjali Chhabria, a Mumbai-based psychiatrist. 8216;8216;Society doesn8217;t have space for ordinary people anymore.8217;8217;

Doctors say that a perfectionist8217;s family and colleagues usually bear the brunt. 8216;8216;It can be painful for my husband and sister actor Amrita Arora sometimes,8217;8217; Khan confesses. There are times when she8217;s tried to push them into doing things her way, but realised that no relationship would last under that sort of pressure. 8216;8216;It8217;s unfair. I8217;m given the space I want, so it8217;s only reasonable that I reciprocate.8217;8217;

After a few blows, some do come to terms with the fact that they can8217;t expect their high standards from everyone else, says psychiatrist Pervin Dadachanji. 8216;8216;Which is why they don8217;t delegate work, thinking they can do it better themselves.8217;8217; Patel admits that people around him can8217;t cope with his pace. 8216;8216;I8217;ve had arguments and fights, then realised I can8217;t expect the same.8217;8217;

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Fonda suffered from bulimia for close to 50 years, because her father expected her to be better than the best. And then there8217;s that almost morbid preoccupation with the perfect body. Forty-year-old Naini Setalvad was more than 100 kg overweight, till she managed to shed it all in two years. 8216;8216;I came down to 58 kg from 150, and still wasn8217;t happy. I just wanted to be thinner.8217;8217; She had cracking nails, limp hair, constipation, falling blood pressure and fainting spells before waking up to the fact that there8217;s no such thing as a perfect figure. 8220;I was just looking at the numbers on the scale, not what my body wanted.8217;8217; Her take? What we need is to be complete, not perfect.