Nishidi and I were talking about relationships when she said, “It is very easy to love and very difficult to care. She said love is about you and how you feel about the other person but care is what you give, how much the other person feels loved and that is the true mettle of love, transcending the self and merging into the Self.” Heavy stuff, that stayed with me. And last Sunday I saw two incidents that helped me understand this better.We were at Kumar’s. Before us a young couple in their early 20s. Between them a plate of falooda kulfi. The boy was asking the girl to eat without looking at her and she was refusing, again without looking at him. Both faces were withdrawn and they seemed at a loss for words. Then the boy scooped some kulfi and gave it to the girl and she ate it, he ate some.Silence — kulfi ritual. silence. again kulfi ritual. The silence was not easy but agitated, accusatory. I spoke to them about love and care, about expecting and the joy of giving, about the absoluteness and selflessness of love. Something clicked, they looked at each other for a deep moment and smiled.The same evening. The club rooftop. An old couple in their 60s, walking slowly towards the staircase in dignified silence. I turned back to my game. After five minutes I looked towards the steps again and saw that the old woman was still on the third or fourth step and was holding her husband’s hand who was standing a step below. I offered help. She very gracefully said no and explained she had recently had a knee transplant and should avoid bending her knees therefore they were carrying a wooden platform.On each step the man would place the platform which was about half the height of the steps. She would place her foot on it, then move on the step. It is a narrow staircase and the couple would stop to allow the traffic to move. It took them 35 minutes to negotiate 20 steps. Not once did a flicker of shame or embarrassment cross the woman’s face or impatience and resignation on the man’s. Both were calm and quietly working together — love and care, hand in hand, step by step, self and Self.
