Lip-reading as match commentary

Before, during, after the first day8217;s play of the Lahore test match, Ten Sports and cricket news channels such as Aaj Tak, Star News, NDTV, CNN IBN, Zee, Sahara tra-le-la-le-la8230; replayed this encounter. Since the camera had caught the exchange but not what was said naughty, inconsiderate Saurav and Rahul had not asked for their mikes, every anchor and reporter became a lip reader, mind diviner and interpreter of muscle contractions.

We are now joined by the Star News anchor. With him is expert analyst of the above, Sandeep Vohra. The screen is split into two8212;one shot provides a long view of Ganguly, Dravid and Chappell; the second is an extreme close-up.

Anchor: As you can see, Greg does not make eye contact with Ganguly. How do you interpret it?

Vohra: I don8217;t want to look at you. Not you, him. That8217;s what Chappell is thinking8212;if I don8217;t look at this Calcutta chromosome even once he will just disappear and let us get on with my game plan.

Anchor: Sandeepji, Saurav is straight driving with his right hand, and defending stoutly with his left. How do you understand that?

Sandeepji: Simple. Ganguly was on the backfoot but he is now coming forward on the front foot. Dravid is playing with a straight back, sorry bat. That is how God has made Ganguly and Dravid.

Anchor: Thank you very much8212;Sandeep ji is of the view, after a careful reading of the men8217;s body language, that Ganguly is aggressive, anxious. Dravid8217;s stance clearly indicates he is balanced while Chappell has eyes only for Dravid we saw that. See the way Dravid8217;s hands move8212;a measured chop. My eyes tell me he is not cutting Ganguly down to size, just practising the shot.

In the Aaj Tak studio, Ashuthosh speculates wildly.

Ashutosh: Ganguly is very emotional left hand hook, Dravid is an introvert right hand pulled in, so he is not very emotional. Our correspondent Vikrant Gupta is in Lahore. Vikrant, you have spent the entire day8217;s play watching not the match but that 7-10 minute meeting. At the end of the day, what do you make of it?

Vikrant: They were talking about the weather, cricket and openings8230;

Ashutosh: hurriedly Yes, thank you. Vikrant, there, was talking about opening the innings8230;

We switched to NDTV 24215;7 to learn from sardar sahib where the Turning Point in the conversation occurred. Alas, Navjot Singh Sidhu was singing Sa Re Ga Ma on Zee and NDTV had Imran Khan explain why Zaheer should have played. These NDTV wallahs no, know nothing about perfect timing. Just when we want to know more on Ganguly and Dravid8217;s god-given tempers, temperaments, they talk cricket.

If this is the way TV news interprets non events, how will it read George Bush when his lips move on his March visit to India? Perhaps they can experiment with other sensory perceptions8212;smell, taste. For practice, we recommend Kareena Kapoor in the latest Lux soap TV commercial. La Kapoor is sweetening herself with Chocolate Lux soap. Wonder what she tastes like?

Over to the news studios8230;