Homeward bound

1987, and Daksha Raval spent sleepless nights wondering whether her new cuts would be approved by the garment manufacturers in Europe, an achievement that could put her export house miles ahead of her rivals.

1997, and the only clothes she probably designs are the ones she gets made for her two daughters.

For Sharmila Kothurkar, life before meant an air-conditioned office in a five-star hotel.

Today, it centers around an aroma-laden kitchen in a posh residential complex of Pune.

From the corporate lounge to the kitchen counter, the journey has been swift, and often viewed by others as a downhillone.

But do these highly-qualified, career-oriented, professional women who gave up their lucrative careers to don the tag of a hausfrau, feel the same? What drove them to sacrifice ambition once they crossed the altar? And what do they feel about the situation now? Has it been a change for the better or has the transition from clutching the briefcase to swinging the grocery basket been fraught with regret.

Regret? It’s the one word that is furthermost from Jhumkee Iyengar’s mind as she goes into what made her give up the post of senior research staffer at Philips in the USA to stay at home with her two young children. “I would be perpetually juggling home and work. My office hours were 8 am to 6 pm. For a year, I even had my mother staying with us to see to the kids. After she left, I sent them to a creche. But there was a constant feeling of guilt, coupled with sheer physical and mental exhaustion. I also knew that I was missing out on the growing-up years of my children. So, about two and a half yearsago, even before we decided to return to India, I gave up my work.”

Like Daksha Raval, who gave up her promising career with a leading export house in Bangalore after six years of work, bowing down to family demands, once she tied the knot with Kumar Raval. Or Srila Bahumik, who passed out of an engineering college only to enter her marital home where she has stayed since, without having worked professionally for the last 20-odd years.

Do they never get the feeling that all their qualifications have amounted to nothing? “Certainly not. If you are well-educated, it is reflected in the kind of mother you are. The qualifications help you as much at home as at work,” avers Bhaumik. “Initially, I would get very upset when people commented on my staying at home and `not working’, when actually a woman at home does as much work as one working outside. To this end, I have ensured that my work as a hausfrau is not taken for granted. I saw to it that my family acknowledged my sacrifice. And viewed my householdwork with dignity and respect. Looking at my counterparts who are career women, and the kind of juggling they do, I don’t feel I have missed much by not opting for a career.”

But aren’t the initial few months traumatic, when from being busy 25 hours a day you find yourself with all the time in the world? “It felt lousy,” admits Daksha candidly. “When you are working, you are meeting people and your mind is always occupied, creatively and positively. To suddenly give it all up and confine yourself to household chores was depressing. In fact, any working woman who sits at home is bound to get frustrated sooner or later. At the end of the day, you feel you have achieved nothing. Not only does this have an adverse effect on your own mind, but you also persecute others in the house with your self-pity and whining.”

Similar views are echoed by Sharmila, who feels the necessity to work, especially since her shippie husband is away from home most of the year. But she is torn between her duties as a motherand her need for a career. “Though I do feel that staying home and giving more time to my son has borne rich dividends – his behaviour has improved as has his scholastic record – professionally, my growth has stunted. But there is very little choice when it comes to choosing between home and work. Which woman would not opt for the latter whatever the compromise?”

“What one really misses is intellectual stimulation, the company of colleagues and like-minded persons,” adds Jhumkee.“The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that whatever the personal compromises, I know I am doing the right thing. I worked for ten years and enjoyed it immensely, now I have to give time to the children.”

But there are advantages too. In fact, the silver lining is more than clearly discernible. “Sitting at home, I may feel that I have lost my own identity as I fill in for the driver, the cook or whoever else, but whenever I go to fetch my children from their school, the joy when they see me more than makes upfor everything else,” smiles Jhumkee.

“The biggest satisfaction is that there is no niggling feeling of guilt that you are neglecting your home and kids for work,” adds Daksha. “And when your husband and children acknowledge your contribution, it makes it all worthwhile. In fact, my husband believes that what I am doing at home is more demanding and important than what any working woman would be doing outside. But the craving to work is always there, because you do need to grow as an individual.”

And while money is not an issue, all agree that earning a salary and being financially independent is a major boost to any woman’s self-esteem and confidence.

So, while the compromises have been made, and in most cases made willingly, the dreams live on. Dreams of one day picking up that briefcase again, and chalking out market strategies instead of cooking, once the kids have grown and it is time to move on.