Gaali danda

Who says India doesn8217;t excel in sports. We8217;ve shown our prowess in cricket, billiards, chess, shooting, hockey 8212; and now foot...

Who says India doesn8217;t excel in sports. We8217;ve shown our prowess in cricket, billiards, chess, shooting, hockey 8212; and now football. We8217;ve had our share of glory in mountaineering and swimming. We could do well in kabaddi and kho-kho, if these become Olympic sports. Perhaps we could also become world champions in gilli-danda, pitthoo and other indigenous games.

But an absolutely unique sport 8212; admittedly not involving strenuous physical exertion 8212; where we could beat anyone in the world is the little known competition of 8220;gaalis8221; swear words played often in Uttar Pradesh.

The matches involve lung power, strong vocal chords, stamina to out-talk and out-shout the other side and, of course, ingenuity in coining the most effective, the worst and the longest swear words. The trick lies in quick on-the-spot thinking, rapid responses and coming out with new expressions.

Matches are usually played in spring or autumn, when it8217;s comfortable to sit out on the terrace; often they are a part of wedding festivities, or an occasion for celebration, so that there are enough participants to form two teams, along with those comprising the captive audience.

The two 8220;captains8221; 8212; acknowledged leaders in the game 8212; go around soliciting players, usually seven on each side, from among those having experience in this field. Once the teams are chosen, a spacious terrace or courtyard is selected, pitchers of cold water brought to the venue and, at the appointed hour, both sides 8212; and of course the audience 8212; take their places with referees in the middle and the match umpire on an elevated railing or ledge.

As the umpire lifts his right index finger, one of the captains starts with a filthy expletive. The audience mutters sounds of appreciation. Then the other side replies with a worse invective, which is also suitably acknowledged, sometimes with a standing ovation. And so it goes, with each team coming up with successively longer and more atrocious compositions.

Soon the noise that is generated reach grandparents and great-great-grandparents. Things build up as the audience gets boisterous, the referees more sanguine, and the umpire is made acutely conscious of his own importance as the time for the final whistle approaches.

Story continues below this ad

Every now and then, players are allowed to take a swig of cold water from the water pitchers kept for the purpose. Indeed, it8217;s considered even more auspicious to paani pe ke gali dena swear as you drink water.

Once the result is announced, the warring team members suddenly become friends. There8217;s much hugging and backslapping, while the winning captain proudly invites everyone to a feast. But the bonhomie doesn8217;t last long 8212; only until the next match begins!