A fancy for sycophancy

Vincent George, factotum extraordinaire and secretary at large, had just-finished indenting the garlands single-stringed/multi-stringed, ja...

Vincent George, factotum extraordinaire and secretary at large, had just-finished indenting the garlands single-stringed/multi-stringed, jasmine, marigold, rose and the bouquets with cane baskets or in plain cellophane that Madam Sonia Gandhi, daughter-in-law to the nation, wife to the nation, and now Congress President to the nation, received at the just-concluded Siri Fort AICC session in Delhi. He had, in fact, spent the better part of the night after the session drawing up elaborate lists and making small notations against the names therein, and he was still hard at work the next morning.

Congress President Sonia watched him as he went about these tedious tasks, with a small frown clouding her brow. 8220;So George,8221; she finally asked, 8220;what was the last count?8221;

8220;So far, Madam, I have counted the names of 10,000 devoted grassroots Congress workers who presented, as a token of their devotion to the great and esteemed Congress president, garlands8230;8221; began the ever-ready Vincent.Madam Presidentinterrupted him impetuously, 8220;Basta! Enough! Breakdown, I want a breakdown! I must have a clear idea of what they are about! How am I to run this party without this information, for heaven8217;s sake?8221; her voice rising to take on shades of an operatic aria.

8220;Five hundred garlands, weighing two kilos, three hundred garlands weighing two and a half kilos, one hundred garlands weighing four kilos, and twenty, weighting 10 kilos each8230;.8221; Vincent took a deep breath.

8220;A thousand single-rose contributions, another thousand sprigs of rose and rajnigandha. Yes, and there is this secret admirer from the grassroots who has presented Madam with a rare Himalayan orchid,8221; said Vincent, quite breathless by now.

8220;Forget the flowers,8221; snapped Madam President. 8220;What do you think I8217;m doing running a florist8217;s outlet?8221; Maria mia! This is the Congress party, for god8217;s sake my late husband8217;s party and the country8217;s oldest and most respected. Give me names and postures.8221;

8220;Oh yes, Madam,8221; quavered Vincent, wildlyscrambling for fresh lists. 8220;Ah yes, here they are, Madam. While greeting Madam, Shri Ghulam Nabi Azad bowed by an angle of 90 degrees, Shrimati Meira Kumar 73 degrees, Shri Jitendra Prasada by 98 degrees, Shri Pranab Mukherjee by 70 degrees, Shri A.K.Antony by 78 degrees, Shri Arjun Singh by 102 degrees, Manmohan Singh by 83 degrees8230;8221;

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8220;Sharad Pawar, did you get his reading?8221; asked Madam President.

8220;Oh yes, Madam, on two occasions in fact 8212; on the first occasion, 93 degrees, the second, 76 degrees.8221;

8220;Not bad,8221; said Madam President, permitting herself a small smile for the first time that morning. 8220;He has fallen in line for now. Go on8230;8221;

8220;Does Madam want the list of those who prostrated before Madam?8221;

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8220;No, George. Always remember this little ditty. It will guide you in the future 8212; They are all mine/ Those without spine/ And, of course, the naturally bovine. Besides, we must discourage overt demonstrations of loyalty, we mustn8217;t forget what we told the plebes: Sycophancy, shouldhave no place. We must say what we mean and mean what we say.8221;8217;

Vincent nodded so vigorously at this that his neck could well have given way: 8220;Madam, if I may humbly submit, those are the greatest words of wisdom I have been blessed to hear. They can measure up to anything that Leo Tolstoy, Mahatma Gandhi or Martin Luther King8230;8221;

But Madam President interrupted him rudely, mid-flow: 8220;Yes, yes, but don8217;t take it so seriously for God8217;s sake8230;8221;

Weather-cock Vincent at once changed his tune: 8220;What I meant was that sycophancy has its uses. Jayalalithaji, I8217;ve heard, holds regular refresher courses in four basic postures 8212; forward and backward bending, floor crouch and floor stretch 8212; for party cadres.8221;

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This nugget of information made Madam President very thoughtful. 8220;She does, does she?8221; she murmured, almost to herself.

Vincent, quite encouraged by now, loosened up: 8220;Madam may have noticed how readily R. Muthiah gave up his Union cabinet portfolio for his leader. That was only because hehas mastered all four courses.8221;

8220;Umm..,8221; murmured Madam President, deep in thought.

8220;And Madam may remember the problems we had in getting rid of Sitaram Kesri 8212; he kicked and screamed all the way out, Madam may remember,8221; continued Vincent.

8220;Tell you what, George, Jayalalithaji may be persuaded to part with a few ideas about how she does it,8221; said Madam President, now totally energised. 8220;Get me Chennai, pronto.8221;