2004? It8217;s so predictable

Speaking to reporters, Somnath Chatterjee, CPIM MP, says, 8216;8216;We have been issuing warnings for five years, that this government will call early elections. Our worst fears have come true. This is part of the hidden agenda 8230; The Americans want early polls in India 8230; Because the BJP has promised to then send troops to Iraq before the US presidential election.8217;8217;

8226; February 2004: Chief Election Commissioner J.M. Lyngdoh retires. He leaves for Hyderabad to set up home there. He says he will not miss Delhi, calling it a city of 8216;8216;rodents and rhododendrons8217;8217;.

8226; March 2004: Laptops disappear from computer stores. Imported machines are being sold at huge premia. Investigations reveal Pramod Mahajan has bought every available laptop for the BJP8217;s pre-election surveys. Eleven teams of BJP pollsters fan out simultaneously across the country, in their confusion they end up interviewing each other.

The VHP uses the opportunity to criticise the BJP for 8216;8216;deviating from Hindu tradition8217;8217;. It demands the party8217;s manifesto include a promise to rename the computer mouse after the cow.

8226; April 2004: The first round of polling for the new Andhra Pradesh assembly and Lok Sabha takes place. J.M. Lyngdoh finds his name missing from the voters8217; list.

8226; May 2004: The Lok Sabha elections conclude. The BJP wins 150 seats but the NDA 8212; having now expanded to 33 parties 8212; ends up with 303. The Congress is down to 95 seats. Ambika Soni offers to resign from all party posts. Jairam Ramesh offers to draft the resignation letter.

A committee comprising Pranab Mukherjee, K. Natwar Singh, Vasant Sathe and Arjun Singh is set up to examine the defeat and come up with ideas to attract the young voter.

8226; July 2004: The monsoon is one-month old but controversy rages as to whether it has 8216;8216;failed8217;8217; or been 8216;8216;normal8217;8217;. BJP-ruled states insist there is no problem; Congress-ruled states allege a drought. Ajit Singh says only he knows the truth about the monsoon because he is a farmer8217;s son 8212; but refuses to divulge anything till he is re-admitted to the NDA and made agriculture minister.

8226; August 2004: The Olympics begin in Athens and there is scandal on day one itself. At the opening marchpast, two Indians wrestlers 8212; both Sikhs from Bathinda, it is later revealed 8212; start running away from the national contingent, clamber onto the stands and hop and jump their way out of the stadium.

They are found by Athens police three days later, hidden in a warehouse stacked with Daler Mehndi CDs. They introduce themselves as Hercules Singh Chauhan and Achilles Singh Manchanda and demand citizenship of Greece on the basis of descent from Alexander the Great8217;s army.

8226; October 2004: Elections are announced in Karnataka. The 17 factions of the Janata parivar agree to unite under the banner of the Ullegguu Bangorki UB, the name of an ancient fortress-kingdom in the Mysore area. The election symbol of the new party is the kingfisher.

8226; November 2004: India gets its 25th 24-hour news channel. Its first bulletin begins with a scoop 8212; exclusive footage of pest control operations at Karishma Kapoor8217;s house in Delhi. George Bush8217;s re-election is the second lead.

8226; December 2004: As the final month dawns, the smart set begin to sweat. Goa and Dubai are passe; what8217;s the new getaway for December 31? The buzz is the really important people are spending two nights in Saddam Hussein8217;s palace in Baghdad, now a hotel run by Lalit Suri.

Relax. It could get worse.