Attachment style affects memories of relationship events

A new study reveals that our style of attachment affects how they (and we) remember relationship events,such as arguments.

It often happens that following a heated argument,our partner tends to remember the details of the conversation very differently than we do and when we try to convince them that our recollection of the argument is more correct than theirs,it leads to more fights.

A new study reveals that our style of attachment affects how they (and we) remember relationship events,such as arguments.

It showed that our style of attachment that is,how anxious or avoidant we are in relationships,may affect the way we remember.

During the study,the participating couples completed personality assessments and also listed problems in their relationship.

They were videotaped as they discussed the two highest-ranking problems one from each partner’s list.

Following the discussions,each participant completed a questionnaire on how supportive and emotionally distant they themselves felt immediately following the discussions.

Then,they returned to the lab a week later and completed the same questionnaires,recalling how supportive and emotionally distant they had felt following the original discussions.

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There were also independent observers who watched the discussions and rated the behaviour of each partner according to how supportive,emotionally distant,and anxious they seemed to be.

The findings revealed that the way highly anxious and avoidant individuals remember certain events are based on their needs and goals for the relationship,but only if they were distressed when the memories were created.

More avoidant individuals remembered being less supportive one week following the discussion than they initially reported,but only if they were distressed during the discussions.

Less avoidant individuals remembered being more supportive than they initially reported,but only if they had been distressed during the discussions.

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“These findings are consistent with the needs and goals of highly avoidant people,who yearn to limit intimacy and maintain control and autonomy in their relationships,” said authors.

These findings indicate that what individuals respond to in relationships is not what was actually said or done during an interaction with their partner.

Instead,what they respond to may be the memories of the interaction,as interpreted due to how anxious or avoidant they are.

The findings are published in Psychological Science,a journal of the Association for Psychological Science.

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