‘I was locked inside the store room’: When Deepika Padukone shared her father’s way of disciplining her; what psychology says about fear-based parenting

Months earlier, at the Forbes Summit in Abu Dhabi, Deepika had shared how her father’s values continue to guide her, especially now as a parent herself. “My father told me that whatever you do, people remember you for the human being that you were. So, for me, whatever I do, I want to be remembered for the human being that I was.”

How can such forms of childhood discipline affect a child’s emotional and psychological development in the long term?

“Punishment as a form of disciplining the child runs deep in our Indian culture,” notes Jai Arora, counselling psychologist and co-founder of Kirana Counselling. He adds, “But discipline rooted in fear, such as being confined in a dark space, can trigger intense feelings of helplessness, abandonment, and anxiety in a child.” 

The child may learn to avoid this punishment at all costs, the expert says, which is what the parents would want, but this can give birth to perfectionism — trying extremely hard to win parents’ approval and avoid getting punished. But the strange part about our bodies is that these patterns become unconscious and may stay with you even when you’ve become an adult and are not in those threatening situations anymore.

Healthier alternatives parents can use to correct behaviour

Modern child psychology emphasises discipline that teaches rather than punishes. “Techniques such as time-outs (in safe, open environments), clear communication of consequences, and natural consequences help children learn accountability without instilling fear. Positive reinforcement, modeling appropriate behaviour, and setting consistent, respectful boundaries are far more effective in nurturing well-adjusted, confident children,” says Arora. 

Trusting your child and treating them like they have agency are perhaps the most important elements. 

How do early childhood experiences with punishment influence how one parents their own children later in life?

For many individuals, abuse and neglect is a generational cycle. A behaviour which is learnt and passed on from one generation to another. Arora says, “Even though one would not like to punish their kids in order to discipline them, when put under stress, they may not be able to help but resort to old and ‘effective’ methods. Others may swing to the opposite extreme, becoming overly permissive out of fear of being ‘too harsh.’”

He suggests, “Self-awareness, therapy, and parenting education can help individuals process their own childhood experiences and adopt balanced, empathetic parenting styles that prioritize emotional safety alongside discipline.”