‘You will be overshadowed…’: Kiran Rao on how her parents were ‘taken aback’ by decision to marry Aamir Khan and the challenges she faced; expert on managing personal growth

Reflecting on her journey, Kiran admitted that while initially dismissing these concerns, she later found herself grappling with an identity crisis. “I do see that in hindsight; of course, it happens. When you marry someone who is incredibly successful and famous, you inevitably lose some part of your identity to them. There is no denying that. It took a long time to earn my own identity back, not just in public but also on a personal level, as the kind of person I wanted to be.” 

However, she emphasised that her separation from Aamir was amicable and credited him for his support. “That’s why the divorce happened without any acrimony — because he allowed me to become myself. To be able to say, ‘Look, I love you, I love this family, but I want to be on my own. I have things to do.’” Kiran and Aamir, who were married in 2005, parted ways in 2021 but continue to co-parent their son, Azad Rao Khan.

 

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How common is it for individuals to feel overshadowed in a relationship with a highly successful partner?

According to psychologist Rasshi Gurnani, it’s common for individuals to feel overshadowed when in a relationship with a highly successful or famous partner. “When one person has a bigger public presence, the other can sometimes feel like they’re fading into the background,” she tells indianexpress.com.

This dynamic can lead to feeling unseen or undervalued, even if it’s not intentional. “Over time, this can affect self-confidence and create a sense of losing one’s individuality. In high-profile relationships, the public tends to focus on the more famous partner, which can make the other feel like they’re just a part of their shadow, rather than their person,” she explains. If unaddressed, these emotions can cause emotional strain and even lead the less visible partner to question their value or purpose.

Balancing personal growth in a relationship without drifting apart

Maintaining balance is key for couples navigating personal growth, especially in high-profile relationships with a successful partner. “Personal growth can sometimes create distance, but it doesn’t always have to lead to separation,” says Gurnani. The challenge is in evolving individually while still staying connected as a couple.

She recommends:

• Open communication about personal goals: Encouraging each other’s aspirations helps prevent feelings of resentment.
• Equal celebration of successes: Even if one partner’s achievements are more publicised, both contributions should be valued.
• Creating shared experiences: Strengthening the bond through meaningful moments while allowing room for personal fulfillment.

“In the end, it’s about respecting each other’s individuality and growing together without holding each other back,” she concludes.