‘A survival tool, not cure’: Why ‘gray rocking’ is not the long-term solution when dealing with toxic people

But, is gray rocking the final solution to deal with toxic people?

Calling it a survival tool, “not a cure,” Parulekar emphasised that the method can help you buy time, create distance, and reduce escalation. As a short-term defence mechanism, gray rocking doesn’t really bring a substantial transformation to the relationship.

“The toxic pattern still exists in the background. Think of it as a fire blanket, not a fire extinguisher,” stressed Parulekar.

Gray rocking is an unhealthy way to deal with toxic patterns. (Source: Freepik)

So, can we say that gray rocking is counterproductive?

“Yes, in several ways,” said Parulekar, adding that the method involves an escalation of risk. “Some toxic people feel more provoked when they lose control and may intensify manipulation. It can lead to identity erosion if it is overused,” she continued.

Avoiding confrontations and clear-cut communication may keep you in a loop of avoidance. “It’s better to choose clearer exits and set boundaries, rather than bottling up your emotions,” suggested the psychologist.

What’s the way out?

Communication today is very fragile and quickly slips into either blame or denial. Instead of retreating into coping tricks, it’s better to talk it out. While gray rocking can be a one-time solution and a shield to escape pain, it is essential not to normalise it.

“What’s missing is the space to sustain the tension, to sit with the discomfort and your own self without rushing to discharge it,” shared Vivek Vashist, a meditation practitioner and guide.

People must realise that relationships, be it personal or professional, carry an impossible weight. The challenge lies in navigating through the challenges with ease. Instead of opting for defensive tactics, short-term solutions, one must communicate. “Because when relationships fail, techniques like gray rocking become band-aids for the disillusionment, and not the cure,” concluded Vashist.