Gen Z, try and steer clear of performative partners — they promise nothing but confusion and heartbreak

Rachit Sethi has a “fool-proof theory” to weed out “woke leftists” from his dating app. “I send them a few right wing leaning reels, and they tell on themselves easily,” shared the IT professional based out of Pune. Sethi, like many others, is tired of dealing with the “pretentious crop of people throwing around Gen Z lingo, sipping matcha and posing in front of Faqir Chand bookstore with a tote bag in hand”. The 26-year-old believes if social media disappeared, these people would change their opinions in a heartbeat.

Dr Divya Nallur, Clinical Director, Amaha, believes when you are dating a performative partner, the relationship often begins to feel more like a display than a genuine emotional connection.

People enter relationships hoping to find companionship and emotional security in a person. Imagine meeting someone who seems to get you—your taste in films, music and food, your religious and political views, the very core of who you are—only for it to be snatched away in a heartbeat. It feels nothing less than an emotional betrayal.

Shambhavi Singh had a bad brush with a guy who was faking his religious views. “This guy I was seeing was proper Islamophobic, and publicly so. When he met me, the first month felt like a breeze, because he had completely switched up his views,” the 25-year-old civil service aspirant told indianexpress.com. Sharing how her ex-partner hid his Instagram stories from her, which she found out later, Singh elaborated that two months into the relationship, she was “fighting for my life trying to explain to him the difference between mythology and history”.

After the relationship ended, she was left with so much shame. “How could I get fooled so easily? What is it about me and the way I express my political beliefs that seemed so “manageable” to this person?” were the questions that plagued her mind as she recalled the brief stint with the man.

What does a perfomative male look like? (Source: Reddit/r/starterpacks)

Impact on mental health

Anila Rampuria, mental health expert and founder of Music Verandah, believes performative dating has become increasingly common in today’s materialistic and chaotic world. Driven by a deep fear of rejection and abandonment, individuals often hesitate to reveal their authentic selves and instead adopt a persona that mirrors the value system of a potential partner.

“This constructed identity becomes a psychological burden—comparable to carrying an additional 15 kg of weight. When a person distances themselves from their true nature, they inevitably experience insecurity, fear, and a sense of inferiority. Over time, these feelings erode self-worth,” she told indianexpress.com.

“In the short term, this can create confusion, self-doubt, and a constant feeling that you need to keep up with their expectations. Over time, it may affect your self-esteem and emotional safety because the focus stays on appearances rather than honest communication,” Dr Nallur explained, adding that many people even start feeling unseen, unheard, or emotionally dismissed.

But a curated persona can only go so far. And after a while, the jig is up. “Even if one succeeds in momentarily impressing someone through this fabricated version of themselves, such performances are inherently unsustainable,” said Rampuria. Eventually, the act begins to falter, the carefully crafted impression weakens, and the relationship loses stability. “Relationships built on inauthenticity rest on fragile foundations—unable to withstand even the mildest challenges,” she shared.

Signs to watch out for

According to Dr Nallur, some warning signs include a strong emphasis on how things look publicly, behaviour that changes depending on who is watching, affection that is shown more in public than in private, and a tendency to avoid difficult conversations. “When these patterns persist, they can lead to anxiety, chronic self-questioning, and difficulty forming secure, trusting relationships in the future,” she concluded.

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to. Always consult your health practitioner before starting any routine.