You may have an ‘avoidant attachment style’ if…

“Avoidant adults tend to be independent. Their self-esteem is high and they do not rely on others for reassurance or emotional support. These individuals will let you be around them, but will not let you in. They tend to avoid strong displays of closeness and intimacy. Not being able to build a deep, meaningful, and long-lasting relationship can be painful for people with this attachment style. It can also be heart-breaking for the ones who love them,” Dr Rachna Khanna Singh, a mental wellness and relationship expert at Artemis Hospital, told indianexpress.com.

Agreeing, Dr Samant Darshi, consultant psychiatrist, Psymate Healthcare & Yatharth Super-Speciality Hospitals said that avoidant attachment style is a type of attachment characterised by a “fear of intimacy and a tendency to avoid closeness in relationships.” He added that people with avoidant attachment often view themselves as “self-sufficient and independent, and may have trouble trusting others or allowing themselves to be vulnerable.”

Dr Darshi shared some signs of an avoidant attachment style:

● Difficulty forming close relationships
● Difficulty expressing emotions
● A strong need for personal space
● A tendency to avoid intimacy
● Difficulty relying on others

Dr Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist from the UK, also posted an Instagram Reel recently, detailing what an avoidant attachment style is.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Dr Julie Smith | Psychologist (@drjulie)

She shared that there are four signs of avoidant attachment styles in adult relationships. Here is how to identify them:

* When your partner seeks intimacy with you, do your barriers go up? The more they try to get close, the more you combat.
* You hold back on starting new relationships because it is so hard to trust people.
* You sometimes end relationships, to gain a sense of freedom.
* You keep your partner, emotionally, at arm’s length because it feels safer, but they often accuse you of being distant.

What can you do?

She went on to explain what you can do about it, in the caption. “The first place to start is getting to know how your attachment style seems to impact how you show up in your relationship today. Start keeping a journal. Pay attention to the times when you need connection, but seem unable to seek it out, or when you think your partner is making a bid for connection and you experience that as a threat,” she shared.

Dr Julie also emphasised that your attachment style is not your fault. “These are the patterns of relating to our caregivers from the early years of our lives. But while they develop early in life, we don’t have to be at the mercy of them,” she added.

If you think these issues are causing a problem in your relationship, a couple’s therapist can be a great place to get help.

To overcome or manage avoidant attachment style, Dr Darshi suggests engaging in therapy with a mental health professional. “A therapist can help you identify the root causes of your attachment issues and develop coping mechanisms for dealing with them. They can also help you work on building trust and forming healthy relationships. It can also be beneficial to practice self-reflection and self-awareness. Pay attention to your own emotions and needs, and work on developing a sense of self-worth. It’s important to challenge any negative beliefs you may have about relationships and trust, and to make an effort to be more open and vulnerable with others. It may take time, but with effort and support, it is possible to overcome avoidant attachment style and build fulfilling relationships,” he said.

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