We wed like this only

An Indian wedding without histrionics is like butter chicken without the chicken, a Karan Johar film without the tears8212;you know, not the real thing. So you have the uncle with the paunch who wants to dress like Hrithik Roshan and dance badly with abandon, the neighbourhood auntyji in a Swarovski-studded sari who weeps with more gusto than the bride8217;s parents and the father of the bride who wants nothing less than an aerodrome for a shamiana. Weddings can make Manmohan Desai seem like a master of realism.

The grand entry
Cut to a farmhouse in Chhatarpur, Delhi, a week ago. It8217;s a cold night. The guests are just beginning to get high on white wine when eight hefty men in silk kaftans arrive holding a 10-foot-high lotus bud. The groom looks wary and the guests are curious. The bride8217;s father, a local distributor of colas, smiles in glee as the bud begins to blossom. The pink petals part and the glittering bride emerges from within with a jasmine garland. Mai kya, sir ji, beat that for a filmi entry.
Wedding planner Ravinder Singh, who runs Floral n8217; Femininity in Delhi, has orchestrated many such elaborate ceremonies. 8220;For Rs 35,000, we prepared this six-petal bud that had a wooden base smeared with real petals. The turquoise-coloured base, depicting the sea, weighed over 40 kilos as it held jacks and pullies to open the bud. Eight of my workers rehearsed this feat for five days before the final act,8217;8217; he recalled.
8220;Going over the top is common at weddings,8221; admits wedding consultant Vandana Mohan. 8220;Sometimes I do dissuade clients from embarking on these antics.8217;8217; Much of the spectacle is packed into the bride8217;s entry. In Mumbai, brides have descended from the star-lit sky sitting on a sparkling white crescent moon, which was brought down to earth with fibreglass ropes. A groom in Zirakpur, Punjab, wasn8217;t to be left behind. If his bride rode the moon, he rose like the sun as belly and pole dancers jiggled behind in a multi-storied Gazebo.

All lit up
After the sun, moon, stars and heavens have been summoned to our weddings, we still love lights, the brighter the better. At an engagement ceremony hosted on Valentine8217;s Day last year in Delhi, the father of the bride decided to put on his acting shoes. He drove into the hall on a Harley Davidson to woo the bride8217;s mother, wearing a leather jacket that glittered with tiny fairy lights. And you thought Amitabh Bachchan twinkling in Yaarana in a bulb-dress was the last word on razzmatazz.

The masala
One of the most entertaining wedding receptions held last year in east Delhi concluded with a magic show. After the rabbits had been pulled out and girls made to vanish, the magician, dressed in a fancy velvet outfit, handed a sword to the groom, who then solemnly proceeded to cut his bride into half. Now, will the poor man ever get to hear the end of this one?

The deacute;cor
When novelty is the buzzword, flowers don8217;t say it anymore. At a pre-wedding bash held in a five-star hotel in Mumbai, the host chose a fruity theme over imported orchids and lilacs. The tapestry across the venue was decorated with wine-red Australian grapes. By the end of the function, recalls Delhi-based wedding planner Amrish Pershad wistfully, the guests had plucked every stem clean of the fruit.

The last word
At a cocktail party to be hosted in Delhi next month, you will surely learn to laugh at yourself if you are on the guest list. Singh is importing 200 radium lights from Italy that give out a distinct parrot green shade. 8220;It will cost us Rs 3 lakh and they will be put up on the ceiling,8217;8217; says Singh. So, what is so special? 8220;When the lights come on, everyone8217;s outfit will sparkle in green and their heads will be invisible. From a distance, you8217;d see suits and sarees walking in the venue8217;8217;. Oh, well. At least, you wouldn8217;t have to worry about what to wear to this wedding.
With inputs from Jagmeeta Thind in Chandigarh