TV guide to marriage

Modern love, if you did not already know it, is about never having to say, 8220;Sorry, but why can8217;t we switch to Channel 3?8221; It8217;sall really quite simple. In the old days, marital harmony was based on boring virtues like adjustment and understanding. Today, in contrast, it thrives in conditions where an angry partner has to wait until the next commercial break to unburden his or her stock of resentments, big and small. Since no serious slugfest can be sustained for very long under conditions where both partners are in a Santa Barbara-inspired delirium over learning whether CC is really the father of Gina8217;s baby, the Agnis and Prithvis of the marital battlefield remain undeployed for the most part.

Besides, such viewer compatibility furthers conversational possibilities. Instead of squabbling, husbands and wives, after they8217;ve finished talking about what Bittu8217;s teacher said that day, can get down to serious discussions on the finer points of Tejeshwar Singh8217;s diction and the antics of the daughter-in-law/ mother-in-law duo in Tu Tu, Main Main. They can do this secure in the belief that their marriage is truly founded on the bedrock ofmutual respect and understanding.

Earlier, marriages collapsed for predictable reasons like adultery, alcoholism, physical violence, or an incurable disease or two. No longer. Since life as we know it is all about sifting through the flotsam and jetsam on the airwaves put out by some 50-odd channels and since 80 per cent of a person8217;s waking, non-working hours are spent in front of the boob tube, unhappy marriages are increasingly being caused by a string of television disorders which no mechanic can fix.

Deadly conditions like remote controlitis, where one partner accuses the other of mental cruelty caused by a refusal to let go of the remote, or the irretrievable breakdown of television viewing because of the inability of both partners to come to some consensus on what they should watch. Some unhappy wives have even accused husbands of desertion because all they do in their free time is to compulsively channel surf or lie inert for five days in a row watching a test match, plus re-runs of the day8217;splay, plus expert comments on the day8217;s play, plus expert comment on the re-runs of the day8217;s play. The only way out of this mess, it seems to me, is to monitor the CC and WW levels of couples desirous of entering the holy state of matrimony, much like they do blood groups to prevent genetic disorders in the family. If the readings don8217;t match, couples can be duly warned that there could be a bumpy road ahead of them and opt out of the relationship if they so desire. Such useful forward planning could help prevent bouts of screaming, nagging, biting and kicking in millions of homes throughout the length and breath of this great country and, who knows, it may just help pin down the galloping rate of divorce.

As an added precaution, the readings of the CC and WW levels taken at the time of marriage should be set down in a document designed as a vital addendum to the marriage certificate, wherein the party of the first part will promise to love, honour and obey the TV programme preferences of the party of thesecond part and the party of the second part promise likewise.Such a testimony, duly framed, can be hung on the wall next to the television set. Measures of this kind would go a long way in ensuring that couples in this country will get to live happily ever after and watch television for evermore, till death do them part.