Total Recall

There8217;s also the unexpected sense of competition that rises between Scharff, 60, and Levy, 62, as they race to heal. The book is full of psychological insight into the motivations and aftermath of a life-transforming event.

Day 1 after surgery
Jill: I8217;m not allowed to see for two days and mustn8217;t talk for six. How am I going to manage that? My eyes will not open, and my mouth feels sandy like the bottom of a parrot8217;s cage. My face is numb, and my mouth is stuck open. The bandage is snug, my face is smothered in grease, and I feel hot.

Jaedene: I wake up each time the nurse cleans the lasered areas under my eyes and above my top lip. I8217;m disturbed I can8217;t see her. She puts some drops in my eyes, and they sting terribly. I wonder if I8217;ll ever see again. I was warned, before the surgery, that many people feel claustrophobic the first night because of the bandages wrapped tightly around the head and chin. I wonder how I8217;ll get through the night, until they are removed at the doctor8217;s office the next morning. I worry about how I can even sit up to get dressed. My upper back hurts from lying in an elevated position. The nurse rearranges the pillows, but nothing works to make me comfortable. I will have to find a way to be Zen-like and accept it.

Day 5
Jill: Jaedene8217;s face is a ghastly cream colour except around her eyes, which are purple; her lips are swollen but not crusty like mine; and her eyes are wide open and one of them is bleeding. Charming. But where she looks like a gaunt and ghostly version of herself, I look like a burnt and fattened android.

Jaedene reminds me that we are healing at different rates, because our surgeons are different, our skin is different, our faces are different.

Week 2
Jill: Jaedene said that we are lucky to have had each other going through this. Or just to worry together about whether it8217;s okay to feel so swollen or frozen, like we are living in a mask. How many women get that support?

Jaedene: Jill is much more energetic than I am. She gets up at 7 am, goes to the office, writes on her computer, and she8217;s dressed all day. Never mind that she looks like st.

I8217;m lying in bed like a lump of clay, staring at the television or gazing out the window, talking on the phone, feeling that I8217;ll never be energetic again.

Then I speak to Jill. She8217;s beginning to think she8217;s overdoing it and maybe there is something to relaxing. I am so relieved to hear that!

Week 3
Jaedene: My friends pick me up to take me to lunch. I feel as if there8217;s a girdle on my face, earmuffs on my ears and goggles on my eyes. It takes effort to focus on the conversation. I8217;m telling myself to relax, that these are people who care about me and wish me well.

Week 5
Jill: I still don8217;t look like me. I feel as if I have five faces and they8217;re always changing. There8217;s the young face that I8217;ve grown out of and don8217;t want back; the old face that I was headed toward and wanted to avoid; the recent face that I have now got rid of; the 40-year-old face that I8217;d like to see again; and the face that will eventually be mine that I can8217;t quite imagine yet.

Month 3
Jaedene: Everywhere I walk in the house, I throw things out. There8217;s something going on here: cleaning up, a clean slate8230; a facelift! Jill and I have not healed at the same rate. It8217;s as though I have gone on without her to a certain extent, and I feel guilty about it.

Month 4
Jill: My stepdaughter sees me for the first time; she8217;s impressed. 8216;8216;You look so young,8217;8217; she says.

In the elevator at the doctor8217;s office, a man I8217;d call young struck up a conversation with me. Jaedene says she has become visible, too.

Do they see us because of how we look? Or had we been making ourselves invisible because of how we felt we looked? Whatever the reason, being seen as younger is quite something to get used to.

LAT-WP