Telescope

First old woman: 8220;They take our votes, promise us everything, then they disappear.8221; Second old woman: 8220;But we will vote in the hope that this time something will be done.8221; Third old woman shaking her head: 8220;Politicians only help the rich.8221;

Walkabout: Mumbai North-West:

First man: 8220;There is no difference in our lives since the last elections.8221;

Second Man pointing at an overflowing rubbish dump: 8220;That garbage has been lying there for one year.8221;

Third Man: 8220;I say, elections are a complete waste of time and money.8221;

Small Talk: School kid:8220;Why aren8217;t people taught to be politicians?8221;

Why does it take a child to ask the most embarrassing but sane and pertinent question?

In different programmes across channels this is a common, hopeless refrain: elections are irrelevant, politicians are two-faced liars, governments are dsyfunctional and the nation is in anarchy.

The People havespoken. And what they say would freeze the Indian summer into ice. Where there is water there are floods, where there are floods there are droughts: that central contradiction is a metaphor for life. All across the nation, there8217;s the same vibration: people, irrespective of their demographic differences, tell a bitter, fatalistic tale.

Watch Village Voice, Walkabout, City Pulse STAR News Channel, or the various segments within a Zee India News bulletin such as Janta ki Agenda; listen to members of the audience on the adalats Aapki8230;, Janta ki8230; Question Time India, We the People; and be overwhelmed by a deeply-ingrained cynicism. The way they8217;re telling it, it8217;s not mera Bharat mahaan, it8217;s mera Bharat badnam.

Eighteen months ago, in another election, we had heard it; eighteen months later we are still listening to the desperation of the voter. Nothing has changed. When the microphone is eased into their mouths, people talk about the price of rubber, the smell ofdecaying garbage, the stinking sewers, the schools with teachers who aren8217;t qualified to teach, the teachers with qualifications but without the schools8230;

From the people to the politicians. On TV talk shows and analysis, they eat, sleep and drink only Kargil; they speak of coalitions, five-year Lok Sabhas and Babri Masjid. 1992 stalks 1999. They argue over subjects which sound like the titles of bestselling novels: The Sonia Identify, The Vajpayee Imperative move over Ludlum, The Kargil Brief shove off John Grisham. They spend an entire show shrieking at each other in defence of their opportunistic election alliances Nishan, DD News channel.

After a short while crocodile, you get the strangest sensation: the people seem to be on Mars and the politicians on Venus and though the solar system is a fine and private place, we know that none do there embrace.

So: are the ruled and the rulers forever at cross purposes? Or does the media highlight the spaces between them? Does it ask people oneset of questions and politicians another? To put it differently: what are elections about? Are they about political planks or sewage systems? The media can8217;t quite decide 8212; can you?

That8217;s not to say the party spokes who are sent out for media hearings, do not address issues. One major difference between Election 1998 and Election 1999 is that politicos have prepared for their TV tests testing 1,2,3,!!!.

Honestly, the careless ease with which they reel off figures, percentages, suggests they8217;re on Memory Plus or whatever pill Vishwanath Anand is paid to advertise.

Which brings us to pen sketches of the Favourite Five:

-Kapil Sibal Cong: Soft. Easy on the eye, wonderfully, obscurely articulate: he speaks so fast, you get breathless listening. Smiles too much, too often and too broadly.

-Arun Jaitly BJP: Seldom smiles. All sharp angles and acute observations. As hard-nosed as Sibal is soft. If they were comedians, they8217;d play Laurel and Hardy.

-Sitaram Yechuri CPI-M: Has had a haircut.Retains a school-boyish earnestness for his lost cause. If talk could win an election, he8217;d win it.

-Venkaiah Naidu: Old war horse. Speaks more slowly than ever so that you can read his lips in order to understand what he says.

-Ajit Jogi Cong: Young and aquiline; speaks slowly so that you can read his lips just in case you don8217;t understand what he says!

Which leaves us just enough space to mourn the missing of SS.

Media critic: Oh Sushma, Sushma, wherefore art thou, Sushma?

Sushma Swaraj: In Bellary, you idiot.

Ask a silly question and get abused.

Silly question: What is worse than watching India play cricket in Sri Lanka on Sony?

Ans: Nothing fooled you.