Strictly for the birdbrains

As if this is not dangerous enough, I also learn that the brown Chiffchaff Phylloscopus collybita; 12 cm, which are found abundantly in the bushesand woodlands of Pakistan, seek out their country cousins in India every now and then, by deliberately dodging the long arm of India8217;s Border Security Force. The Home Ministry must investigate these incursions into Indian soil and discover for itself whether these winged creatures are indulging in any terrorist activity that could compromise the security of the nation.

The Chiffchaff, I may add, is a deceptively small bird but it could certainly be requisitioned to carry small consignments of RDX. The fact that it habitually flicks its tail should also be duly noted. It could be an elaborate code created by the ISI to defeat the scrutiny of the Indian secret service. All in all, I find these annual Pakistan-India bird migrations highly suspect. They may even warrant the immediate despatch of Balasaheb Thackeray8217;s personal army of expert gardeners, to tear apart every babool bush and kadam tree in the Bharatpur sanctuary and muddy every water body dotting its expanse, so that anti-nationalactivity of the avian variety is discouraged forthwith.

While on this subject, I would like to draw the attention of the authorities to the travel itineraries of certain Bangladeshi infiltrators. I refer, of course, to the Blackheaded Cuckoo Shrike Coracina melanoptera; 20 cm. The problem here is that this country too has a large number of these same birds, making it difficult to distinguish them from their Bangladeshi counterparts. Deporting these infiltrators thus becomes a complicated affair. Since the Mumbai police has in the past demonstrated an uncanny knack for being able to tell a Bangladeshi infiltrator from the common Bangla-speaking Indian they should, in my opinion, be rushed to Bharatpur so that these winged interlopers can be duly caged, loaded on to trains heading east and released at the Haridaspur border post.

The White Ibis Threskiornis melanocephalus; 75 cm, which I may add is the national bird of an Islamic nation like Egypt has, I learn, adopted this country as it own. This is adisturbing development to the say the least. The activities of this bald-headed stork should therefore invite the scrutiny of our Research and Analysis Wing, so that the nation is alert to any developments that could possibly compromise its security.

I have also gathered some intelligence for Ashok Singhalji and his ilk. Bharatpur, it appears, has also been playing host to visitors from the Christian West. I couldn8217;t completely ascertain whether birds native to the British Isles, like the Wood Sandpiper Tringa glareola; 23 cm, which wing their way here during winter, were indulging in any proselytising activity. Suffice it to say that even though Bibles were not found on their person, they are known to take time off to conduct regular hymn singing sessions in the area.

In conclusion, I would also like to express my distress at the meat-eating habits of some denizens of the Bharatpur bird sanctuary. Birds like the White-backed Vulture Gyps bengalensis; 90 cm and the House Crow Corvus splendeussplendeus are found jostling around carcasses. They are a disgrace to a nation known widely as the cradle of vegetarianism. The logical solution to such horrible eating habits and atrocious table manners is the systematic elimination of such disgusting, animal-eating species.

Bharatpur, showcased as a World Heritage Site, is in fact nothing but a nest of anti-Indian activity and the sooner stalwarts like Bal Thackeray realise this, the better for our vulnerable ecological and social system. And, yes, please don8217;t forget to bring the pick-axes!