A poetic missile that Avul Pakir Jainulabdeen Abdul Kalam, presidential candidate, may well have fired off at the conclusion of a vexatious week. I wish I was a poet, sitting happily at my rosewood desk,Thinking poetic thoughts, instead of being subject to stress.I would then write about my dreams and other pleasant things,And swiftly straddle this magnificent globe on airy-fairy wings.I could then have leapt about and launched off on my very own, Exploring the wondrous globe that Newton and Einstein have shown.But now that they’ve made me the presidential candidate,O woe, I have become their nodding puppet, ai-ai-yo, ai-ai-yo, ai-ai-yo! I wish I were a scientist, sitting white-coated in a lab,Perceiving through a microscope the sex life of a crab. Or calculating in my mind the amount of liquid propellant,That our Agni would consume if she went a little deviant. I would rather calculate the formulae of fission and cold fusion,Instead of poring over tomes that talk about the Constitution.But now they’ve made me the presidential candidate,O woe, I have become their nodding puppet, ai-ai-yo, ai-ai-yo, ai-ai-yo! I wish I were a rocket, exploring the contours of outer space,Using my new C-band radars to negotiate the celestial maze.I could correct with my vision my ‘circular error probable’,And divine if life on Mars could really be quite tolerable.I could then leave our great Prithvi for the wide open Akash,And like a Trishul shoot skyward, wouldn’t it be a perfect blast?But now they’ve made me the presidential candidate,O woe,I have become their nodding puppet, ai-ai-yo, ai-ai-yo, ai-ai-yo! I wish I were a humble school teacher, I could then quite afford,To spend my time doodling my formulae on a broken blackboard.All those insufferable busybodies would then not around me strut,Suggesting what I must wear at noon and recommending a haircut.I could then tell the children about the virtues of going nuclear,And how they should face the prospect of incineration without fear.But now they’ve made me the presidential candidate,O woe, I have become their nodding puppet, ai-ai-yo, ai-ai-yo, ai-a-yo! I wish I were still safely esconsced within my Rameswaram fence,I would not then have to trip over Gujarat or minimal deterrence.I could then eat my curd rice and puran poli in perfect anonymity,Living in that mansion on Raisina Hill must surely be quite spooky.I will now have to think of lofty things to tell the ignorant masses,When I would much rather expound upon the Bhagavad Gita for the RSS.But now they’ve made me the presidential candidate,O woe, I have become their nodding puppet, ai-ai-yo, ai-ai-yo, ai-ai-yo!
