Little wisdom

Kahlil Gibran had the best advice for parents in The Prophet, when Al Mustafa spoke of children: quot;You may give them your love but no...

Kahlil Gibran had the best advice for parents in The Prophet, when Al Mustafa spoke of children: quot;You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts.quot; Most parents find it difficult to understand this and even fail to digest when their little ones begin to think. Even I found the lines slightly incomprehensible until my son grew up and began airing his views. But then it became an experience in itself, for I discovered that children could really jerk you out of certain quot;behavioural disordersquot; and even provide you with such insights into things that you thought did not matter to them, that would make you laugh as well as think.

Madhav, my son, is all of nine and a half years old and has a circle of friends who do not mince words about whatever affects them. For them, I am just another friend but it is our landlady they are scared of. One day, they were setting up their GI Joe camp on the terrace and were promptly stopped by her. Madhav and Farhan complained when I gothome: quot;You know, uncle the landlord is very nice but he became bad under aunty8217;s influence.quot; Hey, married men, you better watch out, children can read your psyche very well!My enlightenment at my son8217;s hands is becoming frequent as he adds more days to his life. The other day he told me: quot;There are three meanings to the word date.quot; Since I considered him too young for the MTV generation8217;s date, I said, quot;No, two.quot; quot;Listen, Amma, one is the date, I mean the day, then the fruit and the third is a girl.quot; Since the best way to get the child8217;s perception clear is to explain in straight terms, I described to him the concept of date8217;; that it is more about getting to know the other person and of sharing your thoughts with one another over a pizza or a stroll.

In our household, children have always participated in any discussion and they were never shooed away when the elders talked. My father8217;s habit got into me and hence my son is an integral part of any discussion, whether it concerns finance, work, house oreven an outing. My husband and I always make it a point not to fight in front of him. But one evening, everything went topsy-turvy as we both were in an irritable mood. We were on the way to his unit for a party and the tension that had built up at home mounted in the car.

Since I have a narrow suicidal streak during campus days, my friends used to call me the Reincarnation of Sylvia Plath, I at times take it out as a weapon. So, that evening, our arguments reached such a peak that we forgot about the young man sitting between us. And, in a fit, I opened the door of the moving vehicle and tried to jump out. Timely action prevented my body from getting chopped off. Madhav clung on to me and we both cried. But then came the classic comment from him: quot;Accha Malayalam for father, even if she has jumped out on her own, the police would have arrested you only. They will say you have pushed your wife out.quot; Both of us did not know what to say before we burst out laughing. We not only realised our folly but tooka vow never to repeat it.

One night Madhav and I were coming back from a quot;baby8217;s day outquot;. He really had his fill, both grub-wise and as far as his book collection was concerned. He held on to me as I rode my Kiny and then suddenly came out with this revelation; quot;You know, Amma, why you are so cute!quot; I asked him why. quot;Your cheeks are so soft and you smell so good. And you love me so much and I know nothing will happen to me as long as you are there.quot; I had a hearty laugh but hidden beneath it was a solace wrapped up in wonderment.

I felt that my son was on the right track towards appreciation of a woman, her essence and qualities. And the solace came from that only. Maybe when he grows up he will not pull the trigger of his gun just because a girl refuses to oblige his desires. Maybe he will not see woman as an instrument, but as a human being. For even here I toe Gibran: quot;Their children8217;s souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.quot;