Patience paysQ I am a 19-year-old boy. A year ago, I fell in love with my classmate. Though I wasn't confident, I proposed to her and got a negative response. She has left town and sends no reply to my greeting cards. I am depressed as I still love her. Help.- GSK, MumbaiI feel your diffidence, insecurities and negative thoughts have resulted in a self-fulfilling prophecy! Fortune favours the bold and we always stand a better chance if we approach life with a positive and an open mind.Your depression and despondency are understandably the initial reaction to the non-reciprocity towards your love. "Out of a world of laughter suddenly I am sad. Day and night it haunts me, the kiss I never had," said Sydney Russell. She seems to have made up her mind and her silence is telling. To propose to someone out of love is legitimate but pursuing someone when her mind is made up to the contrary, may border on harassment. Few men get to marry their first love! You too can start looking elsewhere. I am sure you will find a nicer girl who has similar qualities as your first love. At 19, you have enough time. Have patience and you will be rewarded.Sleep well Q I am a 24-year-old bachelor. I constantly think and dream about sex, due to which I stay up till late at night. It affects my work the next day. How can I control my sexual urges? Are there any medicines?- Baliat, Saudi ArabiaThe conflict between sexual thoughts and the inability to actualise them is the root cause of anxiety, frustration and despair to a great number of adults. Many men are troubled by these thoughts but can neither control nor bring them into practise for reasons mostly beyond their control. It is normal to have sexual thoughts, urges and fantasies. So stop feeling guilty. Fantasies allow us to concretise our mate selection and our expectations. Most fantasies are simply private, make-believe thoughts that can add to sexual excitement and pleasure. They may, or may not, be accompanied by masturbation.Unresolved sexual tension, lengthy fantasies, intense `involvement' with your sexual thoughts can all be the cause of remaining awake. Try to have simple and shorter fantasies (yes, it is possible to control or direct them) with happier endings. The end of a fantasy may turn into the beginning of sweet slumber! Try it.Eat more!Q I am a 25-year-old girl and frustrated. My parents goad me to eat more all the time. My diet is reasonable, yet I don't put on weight. My breast size is small and my friends joke about it. I am also scared about my impending marriage for this reason. Help.- Reena, Sholapur"Advice is seldom welcome and those who want it the most, always like it the least," said Chesterfield. You hardly need to ask for advise, as your parents are giving you the right one to eat more! Why is it that we distrust our well-meaning parents but listen to other people? Don't let the generation gap deprive you of good and much needed counsel.There are many reasons for not gaining weight (you haven't mentioned yours though). Besides heredity, higher BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate), an overactive thyroid, the soma type (ecto, meso or endomorphic) all have a role. And so does a grouchy temperament! During your growing years you need a higher protein calorie intake. Any `extra' remaining is converted into fat which is stored in the body, including the breast area. No deposit of fat is likely to occur if there is no positive balance at the end of the day. Increase your calorie-intake and consult a doctor.Love, affection, sharing, wisdom, tact, companionship and friendship are the qualities which make a marriage joyous and ecstatic and not the breast size of the wife. Aim to enhance those by being confident and mature, rather than increase the breast size.
