145;I wonder if I do enough146;

This column on matters of the soul is one year old. This week, Imran Khan bares his heart

What does spirituality mean to you?
Spirituality is to have a connection with the divine and find harmony between the body and the soul. I once read a New York Times8217; story by a leading psychiatrist who had spent fifty years studying the correlation between wealth and happiness. He proved that they are directly and clearly antagonistic: all over the world, the richer people are, the less happy they are. Solely pursuing worldly satisfaction leads to emptiness whereas the more spiritual I got, the more I led my life according to the principles of Islam, the more inner contentment I felt, no matter what the turbulences in my outer life. So faith has meant removing all my fears and creating a sense of inner peace.

Do you believe you are guided and protected by a superior force?
When you become spiritual, you see God8217;s hand in everything, including in the worst setbacks. In Islam, we believe that God controls three things: when we die, respect and humiliation and livelihood. Once we understand that, all fears are removed. When I was playing cricket, I had no clue about all this. I was only moved by the killer instinct, by the ruthlessness that sport gives you which is that there is no prize for coming second, and no place for compassion or charity. But I then understood that God would provide for what I need, if I did what is meant to. So for instance I could afford being charitable. When we started the hospital, we had Rs 10 million in the bank for a Rs700 million project. There was a crisis every month, but money would always serendipitously show up. I also understood that time is in God8217;s hands. You can do your best but He decides when things happen. We are meant to struggle and strive, but timing, success and failure are in His hands.

Do you believe you have a special mission or purpose in this life?
I believe that the whole purpose of existence is to find our destiny. And the only impediment in fulfilling it and the God-given potential we have is fear. As I grew into spirituality, my fears were removed and I understood my purpose on earth: in Islam, we believe that the more the Almighty gives us, the more responsibility we have. I feel I was blessed with much more than others. So my mission is to do for the less privileged ones. For instance, creating the cancer hospital or a technical college I am developing in a very remote part of Pakistan. And then using the respect I enjoy for betterment through politics 8212; I feel it is the greatest social work I can do. Indeed, a true Islamic state is a welfare state where the latter takes responsibility for the weaker sections of society, rather than the one we have now which is predatory, with a ruling elite living off the poor like parasites.

What is spirituality for you in your day-to-day life?
It is about moving in a certain direction, fulfilling my destiny and responsibilities. For instance, politics is only a part of my spiritual quest. It is not about becoming a minister but about making Pakistan a socioeconomically just country.

Can you tell us about a unique experience that changed or shaped your spiritual beliefs?
When growing up, God was an integral part of our lives. When I went to study to England though, everyone thought that God is 8220;passeacute;8221; and that religion is the opium of the masses. So doubts crept in. I grew towards spirituality only after my mother8217;s death, when I was 32. And if you come towards God through your own internal journey, through doubts and questioning, your faith is much stronger. Besides, once you start searching, God helps and shows you the way. So at that time, I met a mystic, a retired government officer who somehow became a guide. Though my faith was constantly challenged 8212;-with much tougher tests than I ever faced on a cricket field 8212;-it only became stronger over time.

What have been your main spiritual inspirations?
Once I engaged on this path towards self-discovery and spirituality, I began reading so much 8212;the Koran of course, but also other books of guidance like the Vedas, the Bible and so on. Besides, the great poet Iqbal inspired me more than anyone else with his verses that are so steeped in the Koran, bringing out its deepest and most precious meaning.

If you were to be reincarnated, what would you like to be?
The Koran says human minds cannot comprehend three things: the thereafter, angels and God. So there is not point in trying to fathom what will happen after I die.

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If there were one question you could ask God, what would it be?
I used to have so many questions. I gradually understood though that human arrogance is what prevents man from coming to faith. If I do not grasp something in the Book, it is because of my own ignorance, not because the Book is wrong. So there is no place for questioning.

What is your idea of happiness?
My greatest happiness has come from my two boys, and from some successes along the way like the day the hospital8217;s doors opened. On the overall I feel quite content 8212;- almost too content at times, which makes me wonder if I do enough.
The writer is a French traveller who has worked in international relations, classical music, journalism and psychology. But it is her particular interest in spiritual matters that has led her to devise this version of The Proust Questionnaire: 8220;It helps us to see people who they really are inside.8221;