Going to the dogs

Beware Of Dog signboards make me quail. I8217;ve never been comfortable with canines ever since one all but annexed a piece of my posterior...

Beware Of Dog signboards make me quail. I8217;ve never been comfortable with canines ever since one all but annexed a piece of my posterior at a friend8217;s house. It8217;s really a conundrum: why do owners turn up to restrain their pets only after they have scared the daylights out of you, seldom before?

I don8217;t know. But I do know that no dog can resist a titbit. So I now craftily win over aggressive canines by tossing them a few cookies and sneak in while they are gobbling them up. Once, however, while leaving a house its guardian confronted me again, tail wagging expectantly. But sensing I had nothing to offer him, he barked his head off, treating me menacingly like an intruder.

On another occasion I timidly opened a gate bearing a prominent BOD warning 8212; only to be greeted by a meek spaniel with soulful eyes and floppy ears. 8220;With such a harmless dog you don8217;t need that signboard,8221; I remarked. 8220;I do,8221; the owner shot back shrewdly. 8220;It keeps away thieves better than Rosco does!8221;

In the 1950s there was a fiery-tempered Scottish tea planter in Munnar who had a vicious Doberman. The local joke was that the Scotsman8217;s bark was worse than his dog8217;s bite. Then, to taunt him, one day a wag hung this telltale message on his gate below the BOD board: 8220;Forget the dog, beware of owner.8221;

A British planter8217;s wife doted on her Alsatian, seldom losing an opportunity to flaunt its intelligence. Once she took it to a flower show where several blooms from her garden were on display. 8220;Now watch Marshall identify my flowers,8221; she proudly told her friends, unleashing the dog. Unerringly, it zeroed in on her flowers, sniffed them and then 8212; to her utter dismay 8212; hosed them down!

As a boy, a friend and I once sneaked into the estate manager8217;s garden to feast on his strawberries 8212; only to be confronted by his snarling bulldog. Terrified, we shinned up the nearest tree. Soon the ruddy-faced Brit appeared. We cowered, knowing we were in trouble. Surprisingly, he winked at us slyly, then snapped with mock seriousness, 8220;Next time you come to pinch strawberries, make sure Robby8217;s leashed.8221; Then he whistled for his dog and strode off.