For Christ146;s sake

Vajpayee: This is confusing. If Perry is a British Christian, what is Sonia? Isn8217;t she an Italian Christian? And if she can still be a Prime Ministerial candidate why can8217;t Perry?

Mahajan: If we project a Hindu, we would be accused of projecting Hindus by the pseudo secularists. Strong Hindu supporters only want Giriraj Kishore as president and they will be upset with any other candidate.

Murli Manohar Joshi: Kalam fits the bill because not only did he make missiles, he also plays the Veena, bansuri, mridangam 8212; all Hindu instruments.

Uma Bharti: Does he play kho kho, kabaddi or gullidanda?

Advani: Our intelligence reports say he hums Vande Mataram while having a bath, he is a Madrasi not a madrasa, and he is the most well-known Hindu scientist with a Muslim sounding name. Our answer to the Christian Newton.

Vajpayee: I believe he likes to live in a laboratory for weeks and was fed on bananas and peanuts for several months before he came up with the Agni missile. Can we create similar conditions in Rashtrapati Bhawan?

Joshi: Why don8217;t we call him over?

Vajpayee: So a Christian is out because it is getting too confusing, a Hindu is ruled out by Mahajan so let8217;s call Kalam8230;

Tehelka tape 0009876. Venue RCR

Vajpayee: How could you survive only on peanuts and bananas in laboratory-like conditions?

Kalam: What gave me strength was my hair. When I was young, my headmaster Delilah told me Kalam, one day you will be famous but on one condition: you should not cut your hair. So what was that condition? Repeat after me8230;

Entire Cabinet: You should not cut your hair8230;

Kalam. Good. You see whatever happens will happen, whatever will not happen will not, but what may or may not happen will never happen8230; Now repeat after me8230;

Vajpayee: Ok Ok Ok.

The Cabinet gets into a huddle. It resolves that lookwise, Kalam with hair is a lesser disaster than Kalam without hair.

Within weeks, Tehelka8217;s spycam scoop Why Kalam8212;The Camera Never Lies was beaming live across 14 channels in different languages. The media said it appeared too good to be true, those in the Government said the tapes were doctored, others said it was a conspiracy by foreign agencies. The CBI in its Official Secrets Act case discovered that Tehelka was involved in poaching, arms deals, share market scams and match fixing. It said this was a case under section 840 section 420 for cheating and another 420 for cheating the cheats.

Extract from Musings, authored by former prime minister Vajpayee dated 2005: I think Kalam became President because they were opposed to a Christian candidate. They opposed a Christian candidate because he wrote about me in Time. They seized his passport and discovered that he is also connected with the Tehelka portal involved in poaching and arms smuggling. The things that happen behind a PM8217;s back8230; And guess what? I get bad press!