Flash Gordon

SERVES me right. For all the times I8217;ve scoffed at Page 3 regulars, the glam press and their intrusive ways. I am a paparazzi and am he...

SERVES me right. For all the times I8217;ve scoffed at Page 3 regulars, the glam press and their intrusive ways. I am a paparazzi and am headed for the biggest celeb bash in town tonight8212;the red carpet Simi Garewal8217;s thrown to celebrate her 100th Rendezvous. It8217;s exclusive8212;only A-list celebs, no media access inside.

I8217;m no shutterbug but Neeraj, my photo editor, has just armed me with a Nikon SLR. Now all I need to do is hook up with Yogen Shah, an enterprising celebrity photographer, at Taj Land8217;s End in suburban Bandra. The two of us are going to do this kohai-sempai thing.

Lesson number one is all about the kind of pictures that interest Page 3 editors. Sempai Shah asks me to 8216;8216;catch the big stars.8221;

8216;8216;Shahid Kapoor and Kareena Kapoor together will make for a good picture,8217;8217; he helps out, adding that I also need to get them to agree first.

I8217;m led through the hotel8217;s corridors and suddenly the glare of lights and bustle of activity tells me we are in the ballroom dressed up in Tarun Tahiliani drapes.

We have walked in through the rear entrance. Dozens of nattily dressed event managers and PR executives are completing last-minute arrangements.

Shah8217;s pretty well known and over pleasantries, we are shown the red carpeted corridor that has enclosures on both sides. We take up positions quickly as more lensmen trickle in.

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Some of them are trying to squeeze in next to Shah. Obviously, he knows his business. I am not going to let go of my spot next to him, I decide. To hell with the dirty looks. 8216;8216;Yahan se goli-baari shuru,8217;8217; laughs Shah.

Garewal8217;s the first to arrive, sister in tow. Dressed in customary white, this one8217;s designed by Narendra Kumar Ahmed details, I learn, are very important.

		STALK TIME


			When celebrity-spotting leaps from hobby to profession, these tips should come in handy 8226; Identify popular A-list hang-outs. You should always know where to look 8226; Endear yourself to drivers, doormen, autograph seekers and build contacts in the entertainment industry 8226; Always be polite. Most stars are open to be seen looking good 8226; As usual, timing is paramount. Just be there 8226; Guard against usual star tricks. Like getting out of the back door while their car8217;s parked

8216;8216;Simiji, Simiji,8217;8217; the air is suddenly alive with the sounds of cameras clicking as she poses gracefully. 8216;8216;Simiji iss side main,8217;8217; 8216;8216;Please Simiji iss taraf8217;8217;.

Whoa! My camera8217;s not even switched on and I8217;m already being pushed around. But when I look around, I realise everyone is being shoved. It8217;s an unwritten rule8212;shutterbugs may fight for space, even abuse each other, but all is forgotten once you step out.

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Mahima Chaudhari in a zebra print dress is, I figure, 8216;8216;the photographers8217; favourite8217;8217;.

At least, that8217;s what we tell her. When 8216;8216;Mahimaji8217;8217; turns, shoot! That is if the over-zealous event manager didn8217;t think she was more photogenic. This is a paparazzi pet peeve8212;event managers and security guards who manage to squeeze into the frame.

My feet are complaining now. I have been standing huddled for close to two hours. 8216;8216;Patience,8217;8217; Shah intones. It8217;s 10.30 and Rani Mukerji, gorgeous in a red sari, walks in. I am running out of film.

The familiar click of the camera dies. Damn. Did the others notice? I know at least three photographers who8217;ve been eyeing my vantage position. Kya sari hai, Jayaji8221;, someone to my left greets Jaya Bachchan. 8216;8216;Looks like the TV crews are giving you competition,8217;8217; she laughs pointing to the hordes of sound byte-seeking media. I refuse to give up my post even though I have no film. So when Amitabh Bachchan steps forward, I aim and click. 8216;8216;Amitji,8217;8217; I call out and when the man looks at me, I shoot. Empty! No one can see the grin behind the camera.

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8216;8216;Hrithik!8217;8217; Click. 8216;8216;Sushmitaji! Click. 8216;8216;Shah Rukh! Click! I can8217;t stop grinning. It8217;s not the stars that I clicked with no film. It8217;s the 30-something photographer from the vernacular press.

I was fiddling with the camera during a break when he noticed. 8216;8216;Ayla,8217;8217; he exclaimed. 8216;8216;Normal mode ma shoot kare chhe? Flash also not there! Picture banta hain kya aise?8217;8217;

8216;8216;First class, no problem,8217;8217; I said. I couldn8217;t have told him the truth. He shook his head, mazed. 8216;8216;Baap re.8217;8217;