Everybody’s seeing double

‘‘How well she performed,’’ I interrupted.

‘‘Yes and no,’’ she replied. ‘‘If she performed very convincingly I would got the parts deleted. And if she did a shoddy job it would be a body blow to my image an as an actress….’’

Expectedly, this only added to my confusion. What made it worse was that others wanted body doubles too.

For instance, Vajpayee rang me up asking for details. He said, would a body double perform such acts that are considered painful by the original? ‘‘I don’t know what scene Manisha found painful, but I suppose it is possible,’’ I told him, always ready to do business.

‘‘Then sign me up,’’ he thundered, ‘‘I want my body double to attend all these stupid cabinet meetings, resolve knotty issues like disinvestment, get this VHP off my chest, handle my mail…’’

‘‘But isn’t L K Advani doing all of this?’’

‘‘That is precisely the problem. If Manisha could have a look-alike for the scene she didn’t want to do, why can’t I have someone who looks like me to handle all the mess so that I could live more comfortably as prime minister for the next two years?’’ Good point, I thought.

Salman Khan was next.

‘‘You can’t imagine how tiring it is to drink till three in the morning, beat up Ash every two weeks, run over pedestrians, shoot blackbucks, rough up photographers. If this were a movie, I could have hired a stunt man. But since this isn’t, can’t I have a body double?

There were others in the queue. Madhu Sharma, wife of R K Sharma, asked if she could have a body double: one to be on a permanent hunger strike outside Pramod Mahajan’s house and the other to address daily press briefings.

A bitter Pramod Mahajan told me that given the recent allegations in the media against him, he genuinely requires a body double. While Sonia Gandhi was keen that a slightly improved swadeshi version of herself could campaign for the party.

But Manisha’s original body double said that the business wasn’t for the fainthearted. ‘‘The first qualification is that you have to identify whose body you have to double. For instance, if you are Vajpayee’s body double, you should have jalebis in your diet, but if you’re Jayalalithaa’s, mere jalebis won’t do.”

I got a phone call from an angry Sachin in Colombo rubbishing all body doubles. He said, ‘‘This Sehwag chap is getting out of hand. Not only does he look like me and is playing like me but he is also scoring runs.’’

That’s good,’’ I said.

‘‘Not for me. Now Ganguly says since I am not scoring, why don’t I become the twelfth man and cheer every Sehwag six from the dressing room balcony? Sehwag can then score more runs as he watches his mentor, idol and body double…’’