Dial M

After a breakfast of Mickey-shaped waffles and fruit, a shuttle from the hotel drops me off at the park. Tip: Opt for the plush Disneyland Resort train, which connects to the mainland and, surprise, has large Mickey windows.

The first photo-stop is a fountain with a brass-sculpted surfing Mouse. Also catch Mick on a stroll down Main Street at the daily parade, or in his gazebo at the Fantasy Gardens. On Main Street USA, I8217;m living imported Americana at the turn of the 20th century. But buildings in the make-believe town are just fronts for more tourist traps like jewellery and candy stores.

One look at the lush foliage of Adventureland and I understand why Dr David Livingston loved the dark continent. It8217;s a hodgepodge of everything tropical and African8212;there are rafts, wild orchids, even Tarzan8217;s tree house.

At the Jungle River Cruise, I hop on to a launch called Congo Queen. Tip: Bag the middle seat8212;best for photo ops and minimal drenching. The going8217;s tame at first, but later there8217;s enough action to shake the boat. Our guide takes us past waterfalls, hissing cobras, a family of camping apes and a realistic mummy and baby elephant. There8217;s even a Ganpati statue among the ruins of the Cambodian temples.

I take time out from playing Indiana Jones for the highly-recommended musical, Festival of the Lion King. If I was watching, the fabulous costumes, acrobats, pyrotechnics and Hakuna Matata would have teleported me right into the 1994 film. But my attention and camera was on the massive float with a life-size Simba. Although I did notice that the Circle of Life performance was good enough to make even Sir Elton John8217;s eyebrow twitch. Lunch is Cantonese barbecue pork at the Tahitian Terrace. Tip: Should have brought a disposable fork. My chopstick skills are sloppy and a tuft of pak choi in the face is not pleasant.

I reluctantly moved out of Adventureland into8230; pink. It is my favourite colour, but salmon lamp posts? Fantasyland is home to the Sleeping Beauty Castle. The brothers Grimm would have wept tears of joy here8212;it8217;s the setting for almost every fairy tale ever written. I caught a 3D show of Mickey8217;s PhilharMagic. But Aladdin8217;s carpet ride actually left me slightly wobbly.

I found myself in Donald Duck8217;s my personal favourite photo line-up. The quacker is quite a cuddly, engaging gent and hugs on request. Tip: Most of the characters have their own photo-queues. But forsake Snow White8212;she tends to disappear; the excuse8212;8216;8216;I have to go and look in on the dwarves now.8217;8217;

I have no patience for medieval divas, so I move on to Tomorrowland. One of the difficulties Disney8217;s 8216;imagineers8217; faced in Hong Kong was creating a futuristic world in an already futuristic city. So Tomorrowland is outer-worldly8212;an intergalactic spaceport, complete with robots and aliens.

My first stop here is Disneyland8217;s notorious roller coaster, Space Mountain. 8216;8216;What, no 360?8217;8217; I heard kids say, so I figured my lunch would stay put. It was pitch dark, with eerie music and flashing meteors. The ride began so deceptively slow that I screamed for fun. But then the screaming stopped; I clutched the rail with white knuckles, had premonitions of death and wished I had insurance. Tip: I forgot to rearrange my features at the end of the ride for the automatic camera and took home a shot with a nauseous grimace.

I recuperated with my favourite hero. Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters was like being inside a giant video game. My laser and I helped Buzz blast Emperor Zurg, while aboard a conveyor belt-like spacecraft. Tip: I refused to have a partner in my spacecraft. Definitely more fun that way.

Later in the day, I returned to Main Street, the spot to catch the highlights of any day in D-World8212;the fireworks and the parade. Tip: Before the parade, I picked up a sticky bun and coffee from the Market House Bakery and settled down on a porch next to Centennial Hall. I8217;m 12 again.

A disclaimer: Don8217;t go to Disneyland if you8217;re one of those indifferent/surfeited individuals. The urge to punch Goofy pops up seven times a minute, but it can be controlled. Disneyland is the place to revel in being a hard-core tourist.