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Despite its name, however, the product has little to do with pronunciation. In fact, it works its wonder about eight inches below the lips. Accents is the miracle bustline enhancer for the millennium woman. No hormone injections. No silicone implants. No push-ups. Accents are soft, traslucent gel-filled pads that you slip in over your, well, um, breasts.

They showed dozens of women 8220;before8221; and 8220;after8221; their lives had been changed by Accents. What thrilled the women most about the product was that their husbands/boyfriends poor sods couldn8217;t detect their Accents at all 8211; even when embracing them! Fancy that!

But Accents aren8217;t the only way to develop one8217;s chest. Ther are loads of exercise machines available on the teleshoping network. Equipment that promises to enhance your equipment in just 10 minutes a day.

But, but, but, you8217;re saying, you don8217;t have even 10 minutes to spare a day. Never fear! The teleshops offer you a wide variety of inventions that take the drudgery out of your domestic life. Gizmos that cut your veggies in a jiffy. Chemical baths that instantly polish your silver and brass. And of course there8217;s Spacemates, the ultimate storage system. This set of plastic dabbas with accordion style folds can be collapsed and expanded to adjust to the volume of what you want to store in them. I was captivated by the demo. I was spell-bound by their line, 8220;perform magic in yur own kitchen8221;. And when they exhorted me to 8220;call now8230;8221; I shot like an arrow to the phone. But alas! This StarWarnaco teleshopping show, beamed on Star World, didn8217;t list an Indian phone number.

If teleshopping isn8217;t always fun, it is at least invariably funny. Recognising its comic potential, American comedian Tim Allen came up with Home Improvement. A hilarious send-up of teleshopping type programmes. In Home Improvement, which is also aired on Star World, Tim and his partner Al have a show called Tool Time that is directed at a target audience of 8220;200 lb construction workers8221;.

Which brings me back to the question 8211; who is the target audience for the teleshopping shows on Indian TV? I mean, it can8217;t be 8220;Hong Kong based women with bra sizes 28A and below.8221;

Deciding to investigate the matter. I called up the good offices of Asian Sky Shop ASS. Five-year-old ASS, I8217;m told, is the pioneer of teleshopping in India. Part of the Essel Group, they do their teleselling on the Zee TV Network. I dialed their number, barely able to contain my excitement at the prospect of having my teleshopping queries answered authoritatively.

I was first put through to a Mr Savio I don8217;t really like this Hindi film style of address, but in this case I have no choice as the man refused, point blank, to divulge his surname. I asked him, 8220;Who is the target audience8230;?8221; He didn8217;t seem too sure. But he did volunteer that teleshopping was all about offering 8220;novelty, convenience and comfort within the four walls of your home.8221; Having thus enlightened me, he asked me to fax my questions to Mr Sebastian. Again Mr Savio couldn8217;t tell me the latter8217;s full name.. So I faxed and then called Mr Sebastian. But he had already forwarded my questionnaire to ASS marketing manager, Mr Arun.

But alack, over the next few days, Mr Arun was 8220;in a meeting8221; whenever I called. So I never did find out who it is that shops for bustline builders on the boob tube.

Therefore I am forced to end this piece with a completely silly joke: Did your know they8217;ve signed Sushmita Sen for the sequel to HAHK? it8217;s going to be called Hum Apke Hai Silicone.