A Model LIFE

Only two years ago, Varma had taken herself to a nursing home because she knew she was hurtling down the road to depression. Her second marriage had failed and the grief of her mother8217;s death, pent for three years, blew up on her . She survived. 8220;Here and now. This is what my life has taught me and at 51, I am learning to live it,8221; she says with a smile.

It8217;s the smile that had made her a household name when Lakme, then the biggest brand in the cosmetic world, signed her on for its first exclusive contract in the early 8217;80s. 8220;For a princely sum of Rs 30,000 for three years. God, the fashion industry was so different at that time,8221; she says as she remembers that day in 1979 when Naroji8217;s assistant spotted her selling jeans in a store in Mumbai and offered her a modelling assignment. 8220;I always had to work, right from college days when I took up a job as a telephone operator to fund my education to later when my aunt brought me to Mumbai. I worked as a receptionist at Taj and then as a salesgirl and sent my mother money from the salary earned from these jobs. Modelling, of course, took me to a new high. I still don8217;t quite know what they saw in me. It couldn8217;t be my height which at that time was not really a big plus. Maybe the fact that I was a trained ballet dancer worked,8221; she says.

It was an industry finding its feet and there very few little luxuries to go around. As models, Varma says, they carried their own make-up and many times, doubled as make-up artists, copied designs from foreign magazines and got their clothes stitched by tailors. 8220;But it was great fun. I have only good memories of my modelling days. Of course, you did encounter the sleazy types once in a while. I was called for an interview for the job of a hostess. Luckily my aunt smelt something fishy and came along. It turned out they wanted models to service executives8212;plainly put, be high-class call girls! But I must say that most of my experiences were good as were the professionals I worked with, from Rohit Bal to Hemant Trivedi, who continue to be my very good friends even today,8221; says Varma.

In 1981, she married Naoroji8217;s son. Soonnbsp;after, she bagged a contract with Pierre Cardin in Paris, a city she describes as paradise. But trouble in paradise came by way of realising that a long-distance marriage8212;her husband was in Mumbai8212;does not work .

Divorce led to Varma immersing herself in the fashion world of Paris, Milan and New York for the next seven years, from 1983 to 1990, when she modelled for YSL, Vogue and Chanel amongst others. 8220;Paris was the high point of my career. The city engulfed me totally with its culture and beauty,8221; she says. Her years in Mumbai had prepared the small town girl for Paris. Initial hiccups, she says, were of finding an agency, as most agencies at that time were obsessed with blond hair and blue eyes. 8220;So while the big ones like Elite stayed away, I found a great one called Clit that took in girls from all over the world.8221; Friends there included Anette, a black woman who wanted to be a jazz singer, a gay couple who ran a pub called Rue Fleury, and an Indian lady called Komila, whom she called nani.

The stint also enabled her to save her family from financial ruin. Her parents had divorced in 1961, when she was just four. Shy8217;s father moved to Australia while her mother, the biggest bauxite mine owner in Niwar, Madhya Pradesh, ended up incurring huge debts. Everything they owned was on mortgage. The need to extricate her mother from the financial mess and save their five-bedroom apartment in Pune became the strongest impetus. 8220;Today8217;s models are a lucky lot with the kind of industry support they have and the kind of money they make. I would love to be 30 years younger and be a part of the present fashion industry. When I entered the industry, modelling was not so paying8212;an international show fetched me Rs 500. I scrimped and saved and sent money home from what I earned,8221; she says.
But homesickness soon started to creep in and much to the dismay of her agency, she left Paris to come home to Mumbainbsp;in 1990. 8220;The opportunities in Mumbai were very few then. Rohit Khosla and Tarun Tahilliani had opened Ensemble and I modelled for them for a while, but the pace was much slower. I turned to choreography and personality development workshops in Pune,8221; she says.

Love struck again and took her to Gokaran, Karnataka, where her husband Abhijit Chatterji, a businessman, lived. 8220;Gokaran was beautiful, my daughter was born. I stayed there for three years till it was time to send Akiksha to school and I realised that there were no good schools there. Plus, it was lonely there in the big house with no family. Pune seemed so inviting. I came back and instantly felt at home,8221; says Varma, who restarted her workshops in choreography and painting.

8220;I don8217;t know why my second marriage fell apart. Maybe because he was 11 years younger to me or something else. Whatever, it takes two hands to clap. We decided to call it quits and I continued with my life in Pune with my mother as my strongest pillar of support,8221; she says.

The biggest blow came in 2003. Her mother passed away. Over the next three years, the Pune house had to be sold and Varma moved to her present house in Undri, a new locality in Pune. 8220;For the first time I had a house with a garden8212;something I always wanted. My little girl stepped into this house and loved it too. Yet suddenly something snapped. There was not enough work, I didn8217;t want to move to Mumbai and there was this overwhelming feeling of being all alone,8221; says Varma, her voice wavering just a bit as she recounts that one year when she watched herself fall apart bit by bit.

8220;I would just sit motionless the whole day, staring into the air. I put on 12 kilos and lost interest in everything. My brother came down from Australia and my aunt took care of my daughter. Finally, just to escape everyone I went off to a private nursing home and enrolled myself there. Those were dark days,8221; she admits. She even refused to let good friends like Anu Aggarwal the only model she is in touch with from her ramp days and Hemant Trivedi let in on what was happening to her. Both, ironically, were also recovering from near-fatal accidents that perhaps prevented Shy from confiding in them.

8220;But you know what all the great thinkers and doers, from Osho to JJ Krishnamurthy to Sai Baba say: look within and then reach out. Only if you admit being in denial that help will arrive. Just as suddenly as I had let myself go, I took hold of my life. I realised, one fine day, that this was not me. I was a fighter and I had to fight and survive. That was it. The flowers bloomed and the universe came alive again,8221; says Varma. She went back to her painting, a gift she had nurtured since her youth. Slowly, she stepped back into the business of living.

Today the artist, who practices the pointillism style that entails extremely minute and detailed work, is trying to get together a show8212;her sixth, including ones in France and Germany8212;as well as restart her personality grooming courses. 8220;I am completely at peace with myself. I love being a single mother and Akiksha is the centre of my life. Her father too dotes on her and that8217;s more than enough for me,8221; she says.

Did the world of fame and glamour play a part in her slide? 8220;What happened to me had nothing to do with my life as a model, but everything to do with loneliness. You realise finally that what matters most in life are your friends and family. Once I reached out to them, everything fell in place. I believe we create our own devils in life,8221; she says.
As you watch her selecting the right drapes for her house, unwrapping her canvases and waiting for her daughter to return from school, her devils, you are sure, have long been exorcised. And the circle, it now holds her in a grasp of contentment.