A Christmas Bush

In this season of peace and goodwill to all men, George Bush8212;the most powerful man on earth8212;was busy tying up his Christmas plans ...

In this season of peace and goodwill to all men, George Bush8212;the most powerful man on earth8212;was busy tying up his Christmas plans to bomb Baghdad back to the stone age and string up Saddam Hussein in front of the Jefferson Monument.

The Christmas shopping had been done. He went through the list meticulously8212; a stole for Laura, identical books for the twins, How to quit drinking and start living from the Alcoholics Anonymous, a toy bone for Barney his pet terrier, as in 8216;we8217;ll tear down those terriers and barrifs8217;, another toy bone for Donald Rumsfeld, to work out his extra angst over not being able to put Osama out, a mobile nuclear-proof underground chamber for Dick Cheney complete with a spray jet toilet arrangement and underground chamber music, a new miracle denture glue for Dad that really sticks, Japanese pearl necklace for Mom her hundredth. Now, what had he forgotten, ah, his little note for Santa8230;.

I don8217;t mind pretzels,
I do like nuts!
And I SHOULD like a pocket-knife
That really cuts.
And, oh! Father Christmas, if you love me, please,
Let me quickly blast Baghdad and get it on its knees!

Next door, in the Roosevelt Room, the school kids of Sunshine High were singing their customary Christmas carols. How he loved them, these old tunes that stirred up so many memories of past revelry. He only wished they would update those darned verses a little more often and keep them more in tune with the times. Someone struck up 8216;While shepherds watched their flocks by night8230;.8217; in the adjoining room. A smile played on the president8217;s lips as he found himself singing:

While shepherds watched their flocks by night,
All seated on the ground,
A bomber of the Lord came down,
And glory shone around.

8216;Fear not,8217; said he for might dread
Had seized the world8217;s troubled mind;
8216;Glad tidings of great joy I bring
To you and all mankind.

We8217;re going to bomb Baghdad this day,
To end Satan Saddam8217;s sway.
George Bush Jr is saviour thine;
And bombs shall be his sign.

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A heavenly spectacle you there shall find,
To human view displayed,
A Baghdad that is flattened to the ground,
And in great danger laid.

Thus spake the president; and forthwith
Appeared a shining throng
Of B52s and B2s racing to the East
To set aright all wrong.

All glory be to George on high,
And to the earth be peace;
Good will hunting henceforth from US to men
Begin and never cease.

He didn8217;t know he had it in him, this ability to compose hymns. So excited was he by the discovery that he almost swallowed a pretzel. He did a sudden jig with Barney barking excitedly after him. Then he gathered himself to his full height and whispered, 8216;Merry Christmas, World, here we come.8217;

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