‘My mother used to put chilli powder in my mouth if I said bad things’: Shalini Passi reveals her mom’s unique discipline style

However, when asked if she’s ever used inappropriate language so far, she revealed, “Of course, we all have at some point in our life, but I don’t. My mother used to put chilli powder in my mouth if I said bad things.”

This method, while memorable, opens up a larger conversation on ‘tough love’ in parenting —  where parents employ strict or unconventional approaches to guide their children’s behaviour.

Using ‘tough love’ to teach discipline while avoiding potential negative impacts

Dr Trideep Choudhary, associate consultant, Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences at Fortis Faridabad, tells indianexpress.com, “Parenting is a skill, and like any other skill, we learn on the job and improve on it. As children grow, their motor skills, cognitive skills, and physical strength grow differently at different times. As they explore the outside world, they may sometimes proceed incorrectly when doing certain things. It may be necessary to correct them so they learn the right way of doing things and lead to their personal growth.”

He continues, “To guide children effectively, it’s essential to have the right amount of control, balanced supervision, and firmness, along with clear communication about what is appropriate and what is considered inappropriate or undesirable. It’s also important to avoid being overly strict if the process is handled thoughtfully.”

Creating a safe space for the child, maintaining proper eye contact during conversations, and being empathetic toward the child’s body language are all key, he mentions. “The child should be clearly informed about the consequences of undesired actions, and these consequences should be applied consistently so that they understand the desired behaviour.”

Parenting needs to be a balanced approach. (Source: Freepik)

Alternatives to punitive measures that can help reinforce boundaries and respect

“Some alternatives to punitive measures include positive and negative reinforcement. Positive reinforcement involves praising and rewarding good behaviours, while negative reinforcement involves removing certain privileges in response to undesired behaviours,” Dr Choudhary informs Dr.

In what situations does ‘tough love’ typically work well in parenting?

Parenting needs to be a balanced approach. “At times, a child may need to be told firmly what behaviours are unacceptable. In response, the child may throw tantrums. During such moments, parents need to remain patient, ignore the tantrums, and consider giving the child a time-out or using other appropriate disciplinary actions,” suggests Dr Choudhary.

He adds that later, it’s essential for the parent to explain to the child the reasons for these actions. However, this approach should not be the default method of parenting. Constantly using stern behaviour can lower the child’s self-esteem, hinder socialisation, and impact identity formation later in life.