Ratna Pathak Shah and Naseeruddin Shah are one of the most admired couples in Indian theatre as well as the film industry. The couple, who married about 40 years ago, has spoken about being in an interfaith relationship in multiple interviews. As such, reflecting on what has kept their bond strong during an interview with Faye D’Souza, Ratna said, “Simply put, the desire to stay married, and friendship. Common interests definitely help. At least in my case, I’ve seen all these three have been important. We did want to be together, very much so. Both of us had similar views about theatre and films.” Looking back at the early years of their marriage, Ratna recalled how relatively easier it was to make the choice then. “We didn’t have to face too much opposition. People made a little noise here and there. Not like today. I don’t know what’d happen if we were to marry today. I guess we won’t be allowed to. But in those days, it was much easier. Neither of us is particularly religious, so we were able to take that decision quite easily.” She also shared how their partnership has thrived because they resisted putting it in rigid terms. “What also helped is what Naseer said: let’s not try to define our relationship. Does it have to be husband-wife, lover, girlfriend-boyfriend, whatever it is? Let’s see where we go.” But what has changed in society that makes interfaith marriages more challenging today than they may have been in the past? Psychologist Rasshi Gurnani tells indianexpress.com, “Society has shifted significantly since Ratna Pathak Shah and Naseeruddin Shah married. While interfaith marriages were never entirely free of challenges, the political and cultural climate today has heightened divisions. Rising polarisation, identity-based politics, and greater visibility through social media amplify scrutiny and criticism.” In psychological terms, she adds that communities “feel more threatened by difference,” which increases hostility toward unions that cross boundaries of faith. What was once seen as a personal choice is now politicised, making couples feel exposed and judged by larger societal narratives. How important are shared interests and companionship compared to love alone in sustaining long-term marriages? Beyond love, what sustains a long marriage is companionship and shared life patterns. Passion may ignite a relationship, but it is the everyday friendship, mutual respect, and common interests that give it longevity. Gurnani notes, “Psychologists call this ‘companionate love’—a deeper form of connection where partners are not just lovers but allies and confidants. Shared interests create opportunities for bonding and joy, while friendship cushions conflicts and provides emotional safety. In the long run, these elements often prove more stabilising than love alone, which can fluctuate with time and circumstance.” How can flexibility in defining roles and expectations strengthen a marriage, especially over many years? Flexibility in defining roles, as the couple has practiced, is another cornerstone of resilience. Gurnani says, “Rigid expectations often lead to disappointment because people evolve over years. Allowing space for individuality, renegotiating responsibilities, and avoiding restrictive labels reduces pressure on the relationship.” “This adaptability fosters autonomy while maintaining closeness. Psychologically, it supports what is known as “mutual differentiation”—being able to grow as individuals without threatening the bond. Over decades, such flexibility ensures that the marriage remains a partnership that adapts rather than resists change,” concludes Gurnani.
