Kriti Sanon reflects on school crushes and the ‘kindergarten romance’ that shaped her views on relationships: ‘Since I’m a bit taller, I would notice…’

She humorously recalled the challenges of managing a budding connection in an era of landlines and shared mobile phones, where deleting messages and sneaking calls felt like covert missions. “At that time, I shared a mobile with my mom. So I’d only get the phone after I got home. My mom had it since morning, and when I got home, I’d get it. Sometimes, the messages would come, and I’d delete them later. And landlines… we had those back then. If that person called, I’d get nervous.”

When asked the reason behind the breakup, Sanon reflected that relationships when you are young are “very frivolous”. “It wasn’t that deep, even though I cried. It wasn’t deep, but looking back, it was just that school crush — nothing serious.” She added that he was very possessive of her, admitting that there are certain patterns that we repeat when it comes to relationships. “You realise your patterns over time. Then you figure out what not to do. You consciously try to break that pattern.”

She added, “It doesn’t last. You can’t change a person. Sometimes, you realise you were in love with a version of the person you thought they’d become. You think, ‘This will happen, they’ll change, they’ll become this way.’ But that’s wrong.”

While these experiences are universal and nostalgic, Kriti’s insights also delved into deeper topics like possessiveness, patterns in relationships, and the unrealistic expectation of changing a partner. 

Define what a healthy relationship looks like to you and prioritize those values over immediate chemistry. (Source: Freepik)

Emotional lessons early relationships teach us, and how they shape our approach to love as adults

Psychologist Anjali Gursahaney tells indianexpress.com, “Early crushes and relationships often introduce us to emotions like infatuation, vulnerability, and rejection, providing important lessons in understanding expectations, navigating rejection and acceptance, defining self-worth, and recognising attachment patterns. These experiences reveal how personal desires and fantasies influence our perception of love, while coping with unreciprocated feelings or heartbreak fosters resilience and self-awareness.” 

Early relationships also set a baseline for what we believe we deserve, she adds, shaping our confidence and standards. Moreover, they can reinforce or challenge attachment styles learned in childhood, influencing how we approach intimacy and dependence in adulthood. Ultimately, the lessons learned during these formative experiences become the foundation for how we trust, communicate, and set boundaries in future relationships.

Identifying and breaking unhealthy patterns

To break recurring unhealthy patterns, Gursahaney says, one can:

• Reflect on Past Relationships: Identify themes (e.g., possessiveness or partners being emotionally unavailable) by journaling or therapy.
• Understand Root Causes: Explore childhood experiences or beliefs that might contribute to these choices or behaviors.
• Build Self-Awareness: Notice triggers and emotions that arise in current interactions, and learn to respond rather than react impulsively.
• Set Clear Intentions: Define what a healthy relationship looks like to you and prioritize those values over immediate chemistry.
• Seek External Support: Therapy or support groups can help unpack deeper patterns and offer strategies to create change.

“Breaking patterns requires patience and commitment to self-growth,” she stresses.